Tortitude

Amarula and Zulu Play Hide and Seek (Sorta)

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AMARULA: Shhhhh. I am playing a joke on that dunderhead Zulu! Heh Heh!

ZULU: Now where the heck is that Amarula? She said she had finally come to her senses and realized what a great brother I am and wanted to play outside with me!

ZULU: Now where is she!? I sense her evil presence nearby but just can’t find her.

ZULU: Where are you! I can’t believe I fell for this! This is usually only something Frodo would fall for!

AMARULA: So good looking yet so evil! Ha ha…Shhhhhhhh…

Here are Amarula’s Friendly Fill-Ins hosted by 15andmeowing and McGuffy’s Reader!


1. The best part of where I live is that there are numerous cats in the neighborhood on whom I can release my terrifying Tortietude_
2. The worst part of where I live is the WINTER and the cold and that white devil, snow!
3. If I had money, I would hire a detective to find where the human hid my passport and then buy a plane ticket back to where she got me in South Africa and spend the winter there!                    .

 4. My favorite article of cold weather clothing is CLOTHING!?? Unlike Zulu and Frodo who have the fashion taste of a blind pimp, I do not like to wear clothing. When you’re a gorgeous Tortie like myself why would you ever cover up this magnificent mane? 

Nap Time in ALCATraz

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You may remember how upset Frodo gets when I put him in ALCATraz (aka the cat house of shame) when we are outside and he is refusing to stay on our property.

You can read about it here. But what you don’t know is that when he thinks I am not looking he actually stops caterwauling and gets quite comfy inside his cat tent.

FRODO: Oh good, she’s gone! I can get comfy….

Now that’s a comfy, very relaxed cat!

Here are Amarula’s Friendly Fill-Ins hosted by 15andmeowing and McGuffy’s Reader!

  1. I would like to interview _the Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland. Just what the heck is he grinning about! I need to know!
  2. I would like to be interviewed by Playcat. I know I would make a wonderful centerfold!
  3. Halloween night I plan to scare the bejesus out of all the neighborhood kids. I have been practicing my best caterwauling all month.
  4. Once Halloween is over, I can stop practicing my caterwauling and resume writing my sure-to-be best-seller “Amarula’s Guide to a Tortielicious World Takeover”

 

Amarula Meets Frodo’s New Friend

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AMARULA: What the heck!? What is that thing in Zulu’s tunnel?

AMARULA: Sweet God! It’s a cat! It must be that menace that Frodo has befriended and Zulu is still hiding in the basement from.

AMARULA: Oh no! It has the same dull, naive and friendly look in its eyes that Frodo does! I do not need another Frodo in my life!

AMARULA: The dullard actually appears to be moving closer to me! It seems to have no fear or common sense at all! Why is it not quaking like a leaf as I give it my best Amarula-Terrifying-Tortie death stare??

AMARULA: I gotta get otta here! I can’t take more Frodo-friendly visitors. I’m gonna make a call to the Humane Society and alert them that there is a dull-witted cat in need of rescue in my backyard!

And we are doing the Awww Monday Blog hop from Comedyplus!

The Best Seat In The House

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ZULU: Mom’s lap is always the best seat in the house!

ZULU: And after my brave investigative efforts on Monday, mom rewarded me by letting me sit in her lap for a whole afternoon!!

Here are Amarula’s Friendly Fill-Ins hosted by 15andmeowing and McGuffy’s Reader!

1. October is the perfect time to _celebrate Canadian Thanksgiving which is on Monday Oct 9 this year! The human always gives us some turkey!!

2. Halloween _is the best night to terrorize young children and steal their candy! I am so dark they don’t see me when I stand in front of their feet to trip them! Boo! Mwahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

3. Every October, I  start plotting out how I am gonna get my passport and papers in order so I can fly back to South Africa (from where the Human stole me from the streets) and avoid the upcoming Canadian winter.

4. My experience with the supernatural world is plenty!! Cause I am SUPER and ALL NATURAL! (unlike Zulu who has had work done–and don’t let him tell you otherwise)!

Play-Doh Returns For Another Visit

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AMARULA: I heard the human throw the cat food bag down the back stairs. I ran because she always lets me lick the bag before she puts it in the trash but what did I see?? That neighborhood menace Play-Doh  had the same idea!

AMARULA: Looks like it was gonna be a show-down….

AMARULA: But as I had just given myself an extensive bath, I decided to let the nincompoop have it! But the human really must do something to ensure the neighbor’s cat ceases his trespassing!

AMARULA: He then went into MY catnip patch!

AMARULA: And he proceeded to roll around and have way too much fun!

AMARULA: Naturally, Zulu (aka fraidy cat) sat on the porch and observed Play-Doh with a mixture of fear and interest.

AMARULA: The Creamsicle Cretin, as to be expected, was ecstatic that Play-Doh had returned for a visit.

AMARULA: And they spent the day together smelling catnip! Won’t someone save me from this madness!??

And we are doing the Awww Monday Blog hop from Comedyplus!

Being The Boss Is Hard Work

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AMARULA: Why am I napping you might ask? Because I have spent the day overseeing the construction of the neighbor’s deck…and it does NOT meet with my approval. They refused to take any of my suggestions!

AMARULA: Where are the scratching posts? Where is the flat-screen TV to watch my favorite Garfield reruns?

AMARULA: And where are the private alcoves for litter boxes?

AMARULA: Humans just have no sense of aesthetics and decor!

Here are Amarula’s Friendly Fill-Ins hosted by 15andmeowing and McGuffy’s Reader!

Week 70: September 8, 2017

  1. September bucket list:  1) torment Frodo, 2)  torment Zulu , 3) repeat 1 and 2
    2. If I came with a warning label, it would say something along the lines of that quote by Joanne Clancy — ‘Be the kind of woman feline who, when your feet hit the floor each morning, the devil says Oh, no! She’s up.’
  2. Truth be told, what is this thing you call Truth?? Sounds like something I would eat for breakfast!
  3. I would rather give up Friskies tuna treats for a week then endure another Canadian snow-filled winter!

 

Amarula’s Summer Slimming Workout

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AMARULA: Often my fans (and I have many) ask me how I look so good and maintain such a striking physique. Aside from just being born so good looking, another important factor is my summer outdoor exercise regime, which I am going to share with you today. So get your pens and paper ready…here we go…watch and learn!

AMARULA: First you roll to the left.

AMARULA: Once there, you stretch your paws way out. It’s important to keep your front legs and paws flexible in order to beat up Frodo protect yourself from any annoyances or dangers.

AMARULA: Once you’ve reached your full stretch you cry out to the world your mantra. Mine is: “I am TORTIE! Hear me roar!”

AMARULA: Then you just roll over to your right and repeat the whole thing over again!

AMARULA: Complete your workout with a well earned nap! Be warned dear listeners…no matter how much you workout it’s important not to have unrealistic expectations. In other words…you’ll never look as good as me no matter how much exercise you do!

And we are doing the Awww Monday Blog hop from Comedyplus!

 

The Tender Side Of Amarula: Chin Scratches and Tummy Rubs!

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Amarula would not want any of you to know this but–despite how she acts around Zulu and Frodo and how “ferocious” she likes to appear even regarding “the Human”–she is a very tender cat. One of her favorite things in the world is for me to hold her in my lap with her tummy exposed while she gets tummy rubs or chin scritches.

She especially loves when she gets tummy scratches while sitting with me outside watching the squirrels.

She positively melts when I rub her chin!

AMARULA: Hey! You’re not photographing this are you? I have a reputation to uphold!

Shhhhh. Don’t tell Amarula you know her secret!

We are joining Comedy Plus Awww Monday Blog Hop