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Amarula: Winter and the 5 Stages of Grief

WINTER: The five stages of grief…

Stage 1: DENIAL

AMARULA: I wonder why the human was acting so odd when she let me outside this morning…hey, what is this strange white stuff that seems to be everywhere?

AMARULA: I wonder where all the birds are? Well, I’ll just wait by the bird feeder and terrorize them as they fly by like I always do…if I could just get this white stuff off of my paws…

Stage 2: ANGER

AMARULA: SNOW! Noooooooooooooooooooo! How could you do this to me again Mother Nature! Curses!

Stage 3: BARGAINING

AMARULA: If winter would just go away, I promise I would be nice to Zulu and Frodo.

Stage 4: DEPRESSION

AMARULA: I can never escape winter! I might as well bite down on this electrical cord and end it all now!

Stage 5: ACCEPTANCE

AMARULA: It really is everywhere isn’t it?

AMARULA: I’m outta here! Let me inside!

Here are Amarula’s Friendly Fill-Ins hosted by 15andmeowing and McGuffy’s Reader!

  1. Snow is the ENEMY
  2. I is my favorite word in the universe! I like to think that I put the I in tortIe!
  3. One holiday memory that I cherish is when I managed to hack up a hairball right under the Christmas tree! Is there any better gift to show the human just what I think of the holidays and her festive spirit???
  4. I always thought that Santa is clearly a dog person. Why else would he LEAVE presents instead of TAKE them? Clearly a dog lover; no self-respecting cat person would ever do such a crazy thing.

 

Amarula’s Grounded (or is she)!?

AMARULA: Many of you read about my near-death, tree-trapped experience on Monday. I appreciate all the concern and wanted my loyal readers to know that I made it down safely! While it took a few tears (the human’s, not mine of course), curses, a friendly neighbor with a ladder, and not one but THREE cans of wet cat food, I made it safely back to earth! Though I am finding Zulu’s teasing and Frodo constant pestering about why I didn’t invite him on my “adventure” more than just a little annoying!

AMARULA: I know I would have come down on my own in my own sweet time if the human had been more patient and less hysterical! Come to think of it, I’m gonna show that tree who’s boss!

AMARULA: Otta my way! Don’t try to stop me….

AMARULA: Ah Ha!!! Told you so! Now take that tree! Who’s Tortie of the Treetops now!?

AMARULA: Oh oh! I don’t remember it being so high up last time. When did the tree put on high heels!? It sure is a looooooooog way down….

AMARULA: Helloooooo! A little help here! Do we still have the number of that cute firefighter with the ladder??

Here are Amarula’s Friendly Fill-Ins hosted by 15andmeowing and McGuffy’s Reader!

  1. I can’t believe that fur is still sold. I love my fur and can’t imagine what I would do without it and I sure feel bad for those animals who don’t get to keep theirs!
  2. I have listed Frodo and Zulu for sale on Craigslist. Don’t tell the human.
  3. Going into December, the weather outside is FRIGHTFUL! My nemesis winter is clearly on the way. My pleas to Mother Nature have gone unanswered!
  4. My current weakness is….what is this thing you call weakness! I am a Tortie and tough is my middle name (well actually according to the human it’s smoopee fluffy face but never reveal that to anyone on pain of death!)

Amarula and Zulu Have A Falling Out!

 

 

AMARULA: What have you done Zulu?! Look, all the trees have thrown up! I know this mess is your fault.

ZULU: Silence you pea-brained Tortie! I am sure it’s more likely something you did! You probably insulted the trees and made them cry and we are sitting in a pool of their multi-colored tears (yes, I know ladies, even in anger I am a poet).

AMARULA: Get back here and clean this mess up!

Here are Amarula’s Friendly Fill-Ins hosted by 15andmeowing and McGuffy’s Reader!

Week 81: November 24, 2017:

  1. I start to decorate for Christmas/Hanukkah. If by decorate you mean leave “presents” in the form of decorative poos outside of the litter box for the human, then the answer is I do that all year long!
  2. I prefer a live Christmas tree because I love climbing it and then yelling “Timber” as it falls on the human.
  3. The best thing about the holidays is making fun of Frodo and Zulu while they wear the embarrassing Christmas outfits the human puts them in.
  4. The worst thing about the holidays is the embarrassing Christmas outfits the human puts me in!

Amarula and Zulu Play Hide and Seek (Sorta)

 

AMARULA: Shhhhh. I am playing a joke on that dunderhead Zulu! Heh Heh!

ZULU: Now where the heck is that Amarula? She said she had finally come to her senses and realized what a great brother I am and wanted to play outside with me!

ZULU: Now where is she!? I sense her evil presence nearby but just can’t find her.

ZULU: Where are you! I can’t believe I fell for this! This is usually only something Frodo would fall for!

AMARULA: So good looking yet so evil! Ha ha…Shhhhhhhh…

Here are Amarula’s Friendly Fill-Ins hosted by 15andmeowing and McGuffy’s Reader!


1. The best part of where I live is that there are numerous cats in the neighborhood on whom I can release my terrifying Tortietude_
2. The worst part of where I live is the WINTER and the cold and that white devil, snow!
3. If I had money, I would hire a detective to find where the human hid my passport and then buy a plane ticket back to where she got me in South Africa and spend the winter there!                    .

 4. My favorite article of cold weather clothing is CLOTHING!?? Unlike Zulu and Frodo who have the fashion taste of a blind pimp, I do not like to wear clothing. When you’re a gorgeous Tortie like myself why would you ever cover up this magnificent mane? 

Nap Time in ALCATraz

You may remember how upset Frodo gets when I put him in ALCATraz (aka the cat house of shame) when we are outside and he is refusing to stay on our property.

You can read about it here. But what you don’t know is that when he thinks I am not looking he actually stops caterwauling and gets quite comfy inside his cat tent.

FRODO: Oh good, she’s gone! I can get comfy….

Now that’s a comfy, very relaxed cat!

Here are Amarula’s Friendly Fill-Ins hosted by 15andmeowing and McGuffy’s Reader!

  1. I would like to interview _the Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland. Just what the heck is he grinning about! I need to know!
  2. I would like to be interviewed by Playcat. I know I would make a wonderful centerfold!
  3. Halloween night I plan to scare the bejesus out of all the neighborhood kids. I have been practicing my best caterwauling all month.
  4. Once Halloween is over, I can stop practicing my caterwauling and resume writing my sure-to-be best-seller “Amarula’s Guide to a Tortielicious World Takeover”

 

The Best Seat In The House

ZULU: Mom’s lap is always the best seat in the house!

ZULU: And after my brave investigative efforts on Monday, mom rewarded me by letting me sit in her lap for a whole afternoon!!

Here are Amarula’s Friendly Fill-Ins hosted by 15andmeowing and McGuffy’s Reader!

1. October is the perfect time to _celebrate Canadian Thanksgiving which is on Monday Oct 9 this year! The human always gives us some turkey!!

2. Halloween _is the best night to terrorize young children and steal their candy! I am so dark they don’t see me when I stand in front of their feet to trip them! Boo! Mwahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

3. Every October, I  start plotting out how I am gonna get my passport and papers in order so I can fly back to South Africa (from where the Human stole me from the streets) and avoid the upcoming Canadian winter.

4. My experience with the supernatural world is plenty!! Cause I am SUPER and ALL NATURAL! (unlike Zulu who has had work done–and don’t let him tell you otherwise)!

Psssssssssst! Frodo Has A Secret!

FRODO: Zulu, come closer I gotta tell you a real important secret.

ZULU: I don’t like the look in your eyes Frodo! I have fallen for that one too many times!

FRODO: No really, Zulu, just move in a little closer…it’s real, real important

FRODO: Gotcha!! Now I am gonna slobber you with kisses! It works every time!

ZULU: Not the ears! Not the ears!

Here are Amarula’s Friendly Fill-Ins hosted by 15andmeowing and McGuffy’s Reader!

  1. I would never be friends with someone who… what is this thing you call “friend”? I don’t understand. I have worshipers only.
  2. I will never refuse __to speak about myself– that would just be cruel to a world that so desperately needs to hear about my greatness!_
  3. I have never been to __Cat Island in Japan , but  I know they would make me their queen if I ever visited!!
  4. When it comes to   __what I want most right now   , I  think most about Phoebe from 15andmeowing who is not feeling well and I (along with Frodo and Zulu) send her and her family lots of love!! It’s the only thing the three of us can agree on!

Being The Boss Is Hard Work

AMARULA: Why am I napping you might ask? Because I have spent the day overseeing the construction of the neighbor’s deck…and it does NOT meet with my approval. They refused to take any of my suggestions!

AMARULA: Where are the scratching posts? Where is the flat-screen TV to watch my favorite Garfield reruns?

AMARULA: And where are the private alcoves for litter boxes?

AMARULA: Humans just have no sense of aesthetics and decor!

Here are Amarula’s Friendly Fill-Ins hosted by 15andmeowing and McGuffy’s Reader!

Week 70: September 8, 2017

  1. September bucket list:  1) torment Frodo, 2)  torment Zulu , 3) repeat 1 and 2
    2. If I came with a warning label, it would say something along the lines of that quote by Joanne Clancy — ‘Be the kind of woman feline who, when your feet hit the floor each morning, the devil says Oh, no! She’s up.’
  2. Truth be told, what is this thing you call Truth?? Sounds like something I would eat for breakfast!
  3. I would rather give up Friskies tuna treats for a week then endure another Canadian snow-filled winter!

 

Stop, Look, Listen…and Ignore

AMARULA: Oh yes human. I am listening to the details of your day with rapt attention. Do tell. Do tell.

AMARULA: Just wake me up when your exciting tale is over. And has anyone ever told you that you make a better door than a window!? Now move out of the way of my sunbeams!

Here are Amarula’s Friendly Fill-Ins hosted by 15andmeowing and McGuffy’s Reader!

  1. If someone were visiting my area, I would recommend a visit to my backyard bird feeder. Though the little buggers have thus far eluded my grasp, I bet it’s the best restaurant in town.
  2. My favorite room in my home is any room where Frodo and Zulu are not.
  3. Back-to-school time makes me think of the peace that will return to my kingdom once all those screaming little humans have gone back to their September prisons.
  4. My favorite year of school was…School! I didn’t go to school. I school others in the ways of Tortietude!! And the teacher is always in!

 

The Coveted Window Seat

Today Amarula learned why the window seat isn’t always the best seat in the house:

Here are Amarula’s Friendly Fill-Ins hosted by 15andmeowing and McGuffy’s Reader!

  1. My favorite thing on my daily to-do list is _look menacing and gorgeous in equal measure!
  2. My least favorite thing on my daily to-do list is _update my list of nemeses—it just keeps growing –I can never keep up.
  3. I could really do without …you know what I’m gonna say…Frodo the Creamsicle Cretin and Zulu the Zero
  4. I would love to have more mirrors in the house so I could constantly be reminded of my own stunning Tortieness and my own private litter box. It’s so beneath me to share                                  .