Biltong | Hairballs & Hissyfits

Farewell To A Feline Friend: A Hug in Honor of RouXy

February 3, 2017 by Amarula

It is with a heavy heart that we heard that RouXy, our feline friend who lives in France, went to the Rainbow Bridge yesterday. Frodo, Zulu and Amarula had just met him recently but he seemed like a wonderful, spirited cat. He only had 3 legs because when he was young he got caught in a leg hold trap for 24 hours. Luckily he was found but he lost the leg — though that never slowed him down! His best feline friend Frimousse is sure to miss him. I am sure the family would appreciate any kind words. The blog is in French and English. Here is the link.

AMARULA: Just leave me alone today Frodo, I am feeling very sad about the loss of RouXy.

FRODO: I’m sad too. Do you know what I think we both need…

AMARULA: Ah oh!

FRODO: A hug!

AMARULA: Oh Brother!

FRODO: Do you feel better yet?

AMARULA: Yep. You can let go anytime!

FRODO: Do you think RouXy is with our beloved brother Biltong?

AMARULA: Yeah I sure do Frodo. We will miss you RouXy! Frodo, it’s OK if you want to hug me for just a little longer…

Something Wicked This Way Comes: A Feline Phantom!?!

December 1, 2015December 1, 2015 by Amarula

AMARULA: As you know, the Human and Zulu have been very sad since Biltong died (and I must admit to missing him just a little). I was worried the Human would do something crazy like go out and get another cat just when I was finally down to only one live-in-nemesis, Zulu. But lately, the Human has been acting quite excitable and furtive. I fear something terrible is afoot. Recently I’ve begun to feel as though I am being watched at every turn! Even as I try to nap…

I’m just being paranoid, right? Tell me there’s nothing behind me!

No matter where I go, I can’t shake the feeling I’m being followed. Even in my special “Happy Place” box, I feel as though some menacing presence is looming near, pressing down upon me…

But when I turn around and investigate the box, I find nothing!

No where is safe! Even while I’m outside surveying my kingdom, I sense an ominous life-force watching me. Do we perhaps have a bat infestation?…

I thought I caught a glimpse of a red flame of maliciousness running from my litter box, but alas it escaped me…

ZULU: Though I am loath to agree with you Amarula, I too have felt a strange presence nearby. It is getting me all confused and turned around!

ZULU: But I find it a warm, welcoming spirit that I just can’t wait to meet!

AMARULA: Oh Brother! Whoa! Zulu…I feel it here right now!….Come take a look and tell me please that there is nothing behind me….

AMARULA: All I want to know is who’s been sitting in my chair!??

What could it be!??…to be continued….

Adjusting to Life Without Biltong

August 14, 2015 by Amarula

AMARULA: Well, as you know, Biltong recently passed away. Though I had my issues with the little guy, I must admit that his presence is sorely missed. Normally, I have been able to get over feeling blue by indulging in escapist TV or books. Presently, I’m reading the Outlander series by Diana Gabaldon (a favorite of mine despite the serious lack of feline leads). But even reading can’t seem help me shake off my melancholy.

I can’t seem to muster the energy for play time either.

I just spend all day staring up at the ceiling and pondering the meaning of life.

ZULU: For once, Amarula and I are on the same page. I am desperately lonely without my best friend Biltong. I hate sleeping alone.

I just want to hide from the world

Even sunbeams have lots their warmth!

For a glorious second I thought I spotted Biltong. The creature had the same open, friendly demeanor and surplus of drool as Little B’, but alas it was only a baby human.

Amarula and I even find ourselves reluctantly spending time together just cause we are so discombobulated! Sigh! We all miss you Biltong!

RIP Biltong the Cat, Very loved and Dearly Missed

August 31, 2015July 26, 2015 by Amarula

ZULU and AMARULA: We are overwrought to announce that Biltong passed away a few days ago from kidney disease. The sadness seems unbearable. It is as though someone has taken away all of our sunshine.

He was only three years old. Mom is heartsick. She used to love when he would “help” her work at the computer.

ZULU and AMARULA: There are a million reasons we all loved him but here are just a few:

ZULU: He was the best cuddler and hugger in the world!

ZULU: I will miss the way he used to love eating while warming his bum by the vent. It took so little to make Little B happy.

ZULU: All he needed to be content was his favorite toy, a sunbeam and a warm cuddle.

ZULU: He was so brave! He never gave up on trying to make AMARULA love him (AMARULA: It worked cause I finally came around and did –begrudgingly–love him)

ZULU: And he was obsessed with packing peanuts!

ZULU: He was always ready to laugh (especially if it was at Amarula!)

ZULU: I always admired his ability to sleep virtually anywhere and in any position!

ZULU: I will miss washing him, too!

ZULU: He was my big brother and he always took care of me. He is irreplaceable

ZULU: I love you Biltong!

AMARULA: Though I like to tease the little bugger. I will also miss him terribly. I will even miss his hug attacks.

AMARULA: What do you say if just this once Zulu, I let you cuddle with me.

We can find some solace in knowing that the little imp has gone to be reunited with Charlie the basset hound and all of Mom’s beloved pets who have gone to the rainbow bridge.

The house (and litter box) will be so empty without you Biltong. Be well little guy. Bless you.

Biltong is Sick

August 31, 2015July 19, 2015 by Amarula

AMARULA: I know I joke a lot about the kittens, but I kinda like those dolts (after all who would I laugh at if I didn’t have those two to make fun of) and I was sad when the Human told me that Biltong (aka Billy) has been hospitalized for kidney disease.

Poor guy:

Apparently something called his Urea and Creatine were through the roof! And he has just only turned three years old! The Human is very sad and worried. I hope the hospitalization works to make him a little better and buy him some time.

ZULU: “Do you think Biltong is going to be OK Amarula?”
AMARULA: “I sure hope so Zulu. ”

ZULU: “Can I sit beside you and look out the window while we wait for him and mom (aka the Human) to come back from the animal hospital?”
AMARULA: “Alright. Just this once I promise not to push you off.”

The Art of A Sneak Hug Attack

August 31, 2015June 21, 2015 by Amarula

BILTONG: As you know, dear readers, hugs are one of my favorite things! Zulu and I love hugging! We are experts!

Sadly, Amarula does not seem to share our love of hugs. That’s why I often have to perform cuddle sneak-attacks. Because we all likely have those in our lives who are “hug-hesitant,” I wanted to share with you how you can perform covert surprise embraces even on cuddlephobic cats like Amarula.

STEP 1:

You have to keep up your strength for a hug attack so I like to begin with a hearty meal in front of the heat vent where I can also get my bum warmed at the same time! It is glorious!

STEP 2:

Then I like to lull my ~~victims~~ unsuspecting hug-receivers into a false sense of security by acting casual—as though hugs aren’t the only thing on my mind!

STEP 3:

It’s important to be diligent. If a cuddle-cautious cat even gets a whiff of what you are planning they may hide. You must look high and low until you find them!

STEP 4:

The next step is to approach your ~~prey~~ pal in a friendly and open manner and engage them in pleasant conversation. Some examples:

a) Ask them where they got such a ~~ridiculous~~ pretty collar

b) Ask if you can share a sunbeam with them:

STEP 5:

Get as close as you can using your stealth and incredible dexterity:

Oh the unsuspecting fool!!

STEP 6:

Go!! Hug attack!!!

AND AGAIN!

There is even the legendary Double-Hug attack! But this difficult maneuver should only be attempted by students like Zulu and me who have highly advanced training in hug-stealth techniques

STEP 7:

The final step is to wash up, bask in your glory and plan the next attack!

Now everybody go out and practice!!

Feline Deep Thought of the Day

May 18, 2015May 17, 2015 by Amarula

ZULU: Sometimes, though I am generally a lighthearted cat, I…

AMARULA: Don’t you mean light headed??? Hee hee

ZULU: Quiet Amarula this is my DEEP THOUGHT!

ZULU: As I was saying, though I tend to be carefree, sometimes I can become melancholic and a dark mood overtakes me. I stop whatever I am doing and begin to wonder “What is the point of it all…”

But then I just go looking for my brother Biltong and he hugs me and I feel all better. Hugs are the best

You can enjoy a good hug anywhere and in any position!

The best is when you combine a hug and a sunbeam! Pure heaven!

Sometimes Biltong and I get so “hug-drunk” that we even try to include Amarula. Though we have to sneak up on her to give her a hug:

Then we force our hugs on her!

But the hugs where we try to get Amarula involved tend to turn ugly pretty fast! I guess she just isn’t into hugs. Too bad, she doesn’t know what she’s missing!

Time for My Human to Die

August 31, 2015May 13, 2015 by Amarula

AMARULA: So dear readers, as you all know, winters in Canada are not exactly my favorite. As a cat born and raised in South Africa for most of my life, cold, snow and ice were things I thought only happened to other felines. Sadly, as much as I love Canada (these guys make the best catnip! What do they put in that stuff? I think it is heavily sprinkled with maple syrup and Canadian bacon!) I still hate the winter season! So I was very excited when spring came around again and I was raring to go outside to terrorize those pesky birds and squirrels. Or at least I was until THIS happened:

My human is making me wear a bright red collar that is best described as a cross between an Elizabethan collar and a clown accessory. Can’t believe your eyes?? Here’s another look:

Why me Lord?? Apparently this collar (which is by Birdbesafe [no affiliate link, the human just thinks they deserve a mention]) is supposed to make me more visible to songbirds and hence make it impossible for me to catch any (as if the five bells the Human already had on my collar weren’t making it impossible for me to terrorize my feathered foes!). Sadly, it does indeed seem to be working. I wait by the bird feeder but not a single bird appears!

It is also pretty hard to be camouflaged with this thing on!!

Even those two dunderheaded cats I am forced to share my home with seem to feel the collar makes me more “approachable” and no longer maintain the 10 foot perimeter around my personal space I had instituted.

The collar seems to have also had the unfortunate effect of decreasing my “street cred” with the cats in the neighborhood. No longer do they quiver in fear as I walk by! Worse, my boyfriend down the street, Charlie, took one look at me and turned away! He couldn’t even bear to look at me!!

How can an uncollared cat like Charlie ever fall for a collared cat like me!! It’s the classic thwarted love tale of Romeow and Juliet!! Pray for me!

Biltong has Feline Kidney Disease

August 31, 2015April 25, 2015 by Amarula

BILTONG: Mom noticed that I was drinking a lot of water recently so she took me to the vet to get a check-up and it turns out I have kidney disease. I am only three years old! Mom is very sad and finds it hard to talk about cause the doctor said it was already very advanced and I must have been born with very bad kidneys. So I am sleeping a lot now and mom is giving me subcutaneous fluids every two days.

I don’t like the fluids at all and find it hard to stay still so mom can’t get a photo of me but she did take a photo of how funny I look after I get the fluids. Mom says they make me look very muscular and chesty!

Even though I am not feeling at my best I still find the energy to chase balls with my brother Zulu:

Even Amarula is feeling sorry for me and is letting me hang out with her!

So send out positive vibes everyone!

Zulu Up to No Good

August 31, 2015March 11, 2015 by Amarula

Sometimes when I hear Amarula crying at the door for mom to let her in, I think of alerting mom to her pleas. But then I remember how Amarula always makes fun of Biltong and me and then I start to caterwaul to drown out Amarula’s cries! Mom thinks I’m a real poet and just love to express myself! Hee hee

Biltong even helps me caterwaul:

We are so funny!