BILTONG: Alright, this is Biltong talking here (the tiny grey, distinguished-looking Oriental). We have been taking a lot of crap from Amarula (the FAT and ugly tortie–I mean what kind of color is that?? Are you black, orange or beige! Make up your mind! She looks like Halloween threw up all over her!) and now it is my brother, Zulu, and my turn to have our say. We LOVE being indoor cats. It’s the life!
Here are the top reasons why being indoors is ideal!
1. We know where the best sunbeams are in every corner of the house:
2. We never have to worry about coming face to face with our neighbor dog Major or any of those giant Canadian rats called “racoons”
3. We never have to worry about getting fleas unless one catches a ride on Amarula (which frankly, with her hygiene, is a pretty high risk despite mom using Advantage® on her)
4. We never get chased up a tree by the aformentioned nefarious neighbor dog and then have all the neighbors come out and point and laugh as we try to make our way head-first down the tree–so humiliating! How can Amarula show her face around here again–imagine running from a dog wearing a bow tie!
5. We never have to worry about coming home smelling like skunk (or maybe that is Amarula’s natural odor?!)
6. We don’t have to worry about the gang of local squirrels beating us up looking for peanuts.
7. We can take our morning constitutional inside without prying eyes, in the privacy of our own litter box. When Amarula goes the whole neighborhood can watch her!
8. We get to keep mom company while she works at her computer:
9. We know where all the best heating vents are!
10. Finally, the best is when mom decides to give us a wet food treat and calls Amarula but she doesn’t come in so we get her share! (The dolt is probably unconscious in a ditch somewhere hopped up on wild cat grass!)