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Amarula: Winter and the 5 Stages of Grief

WINTER: The five stages of grief…

Stage 1: DENIAL

AMARULA: I wonder why the human was acting so odd when she let me outside this morning…hey, what is this strange white stuff that seems to be everywhere?

AMARULA: I wonder where all the birds are? Well, I’ll just wait by the bird feeder and terrorize them as they fly by like I always do…if I could just get this white stuff off of my paws…

Stage 2: ANGER

AMARULA: SNOW! Noooooooooooooooooooo! How could you do this to me again Mother Nature! Curses!

Stage 3: BARGAINING

AMARULA: If winter would just go away, I promise I would be nice to Zulu and Frodo.

Stage 4: DEPRESSION

AMARULA: I can never escape winter! I might as well bite down on this electrical cord and end it all now!

Stage 5: ACCEPTANCE

AMARULA: It really is everywhere isn’t it?

AMARULA: I’m outta here! Let me inside!

Here are Amarula’s Friendly Fill-Ins hosted by 15andmeowing and McGuffy’s Reader!

  1. Snow is the ENEMY
  2. I is my favorite word in the universe! I like to think that I put the I in tortIe!
  3. One holiday memory that I cherish is when I managed to hack up a hairball right under the Christmas tree! Is there any better gift to show the human just what I think of the holidays and her festive spirit???
  4. I always thought that Santa is clearly a dog person. Why else would he LEAVE presents instead of TAKE them? Clearly a dog lover; no self-respecting cat person would ever do such a crazy thing.

 

Amarula’s Grounded (or is she)!?

AMARULA: Many of you read about my near-death, tree-trapped experience on Monday. I appreciate all the concern and wanted my loyal readers to know that I made it down safely! While it took a few tears (the human’s, not mine of course), curses, a friendly neighbor with a ladder, and not one but THREE cans of wet cat food, I made it safely back to earth! Though I am finding Zulu’s teasing and Frodo constant pestering about why I didn’t invite him on my “adventure” more than just a little annoying!

AMARULA: I know I would have come down on my own in my own sweet time if the human had been more patient and less hysterical! Come to think of it, I’m gonna show that tree who’s boss!

AMARULA: Otta my way! Don’t try to stop me….

AMARULA: Ah Ha!!! Told you so! Now take that tree! Who’s Tortie of the Treetops now!?

AMARULA: Oh oh! I don’t remember it being so high up last time. When did the tree put on high heels!? It sure is a looooooooog way down….

AMARULA: Helloooooo! A little help here! Do we still have the number of that cute firefighter with the ladder??

Here are Amarula’s Friendly Fill-Ins hosted by 15andmeowing and McGuffy’s Reader!

  1. I can’t believe that fur is still sold. I love my fur and can’t imagine what I would do without it and I sure feel bad for those animals who don’t get to keep theirs!
  2. I have listed Frodo and Zulu for sale on Craigslist. Don’t tell the human.
  3. Going into December, the weather outside is FRIGHTFUL! My nemesis winter is clearly on the way. My pleas to Mother Nature have gone unanswered!
  4. My current weakness is….what is this thing you call weakness! I am a Tortie and tough is my middle name (well actually according to the human it’s smoopee fluffy face but never reveal that to anyone on pain of death!)

Amarula Barks Up The Wrong Tree

AMARULA: Why have I never climbed a tree before? This is wonderful! I can see my entire domain from here.

AMARULA: And it’s a great scratching post!

AMARULA: Here me roar! I am queen of the world!

AMARULA: Wow! That is actually a long way down.

AMARULA: How the heck did I get up here! Why doesn’t this tree come with a ladder??

AMARULA: Someone better call the fire department cause that’s the only way I’m getting down from here!

We are doing the Awww Monday Blog hop from Comedyplus!

Amarula and Zulu Have A Falling Out!

 

 

AMARULA: What have you done Zulu?! Look, all the trees have thrown up! I know this mess is your fault.

ZULU: Silence you pea-brained Tortie! I am sure it’s more likely something you did! You probably insulted the trees and made them cry and we are sitting in a pool of their multi-colored tears (yes, I know ladies, even in anger I am a poet).

AMARULA: Get back here and clean this mess up!

Here are Amarula’s Friendly Fill-Ins hosted by 15andmeowing and McGuffy’s Reader!

Week 81: November 24, 2017:

  1. I start to decorate for Christmas/Hanukkah. If by decorate you mean leave “presents” in the form of decorative poos outside of the litter box for the human, then the answer is I do that all year long!
  2. I prefer a live Christmas tree because I love climbing it and then yelling “Timber” as it falls on the human.
  3. The best thing about the holidays is making fun of Frodo and Zulu while they wear the embarrassing Christmas outfits the human puts them in.
  4. The worst thing about the holidays is the embarrassing Christmas outfits the human puts me in!

Amarula Falls Apart

AMARULA: What the #@!% One minute it is all beautiful, hot and the middle of summer and I have one tiny little nap and wake up to find this mess of leaves everywhere and a cool breeze in the air?! What is going on!?

AMARULA: This can’t mean what I think it does, can it? Fall is here AGAIN!? How could you do this to me Mother Nature???

AMARULA: How many times does this season plan to keep showing up! And does this mean WINTER is gonna come again too!?

AMARULA: Maybe if I look real cute Mother Nature will cancel winter… I mean, could you say no to this face?

We are doing the Awww Monday Blog hop from Comedyplus!

Frodo Learns to Fly

FRODO: Here I am waiting by the bird feeder hoping to meet some birds.

FRODO: For some reason they seem reluctant to come near me! Don’t they know I would never hurt them!?

FRODO: I just want to ask them to teach me how to fly! It seems like so much fun!

AMARULA: Frodo, you don’t have to wait for the birds to teach you. Just leap off the patio and start spinning your tail around. You’ll be flying in no time. Honest. And besides if anything happens, I’ll catch you. I promise……mwahahaha

FRODO: Hmmmmmm. I think I’ll just wait for the birds Amarula. The only flying I have ever seen you do is when you fly off the handle!

We are doing the Awww Monday Blog hop from Comedyplus!

Amarula and Zulu Play Hide and Seek (Sorta)

 

AMARULA: Shhhhh. I am playing a joke on that dunderhead Zulu! Heh Heh!

ZULU: Now where the heck is that Amarula? She said she had finally come to her senses and realized what a great brother I am and wanted to play outside with me!

ZULU: Now where is she!? I sense her evil presence nearby but just can’t find her.

ZULU: Where are you! I can’t believe I fell for this! This is usually only something Frodo would fall for!

AMARULA: So good looking yet so evil! Ha ha…Shhhhhhhh…

Here are Amarula’s Friendly Fill-Ins hosted by 15andmeowing and McGuffy’s Reader!


1. The best part of where I live is that there are numerous cats in the neighborhood on whom I can release my terrifying Tortietude_
2. The worst part of where I live is the WINTER and the cold and that white devil, snow!
3. If I had money, I would hire a detective to find where the human hid my passport and then buy a plane ticket back to where she got me in South Africa and spend the winter there!                    .

 4. My favorite article of cold weather clothing is CLOTHING!?? Unlike Zulu and Frodo who have the fashion taste of a blind pimp, I do not like to wear clothing. When you’re a gorgeous Tortie like myself why would you ever cover up this magnificent mane? 

Nap Time in ALCATraz

You may remember how upset Frodo gets when I put him in ALCATraz (aka the cat house of shame) when we are outside and he is refusing to stay on our property.

You can read about it here. But what you don’t know is that when he thinks I am not looking he actually stops caterwauling and gets quite comfy inside his cat tent.

FRODO: Oh good, she’s gone! I can get comfy….

Now that’s a comfy, very relaxed cat!

Here are Amarula’s Friendly Fill-Ins hosted by 15andmeowing and McGuffy’s Reader!

  1. I would like to interview _the Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland. Just what the heck is he grinning about! I need to know!
  2. I would like to be interviewed by Playcat. I know I would make a wonderful centerfold!
  3. Halloween night I plan to scare the bejesus out of all the neighborhood kids. I have been practicing my best caterwauling all month.
  4. Once Halloween is over, I can stop practicing my caterwauling and resume writing my sure-to-be best-seller “Amarula’s Guide to a Tortielicious World Takeover”