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War and Peace: a Backyard Battleground

 

 

dont-you-think-this-rule-about-separate-corners-is-stupid

ZULU: Don’t you think this is childish Amarula? Why can’t we just hang out close to one another in the backyard without any fur flying.

AMARULA: As I recall, aren’t you the fighter in the family? Weren’t you the one who started a fight with Frodo a few weeks ago?

ZULU: That was for something of vital importance! Supremacy of the catnip patch! But normally I’m a lover not a fighter!

wheniopen-my-eyes-you-better-not-be-here

AMARULA: When I open my eyes you better be at least a full three-cat lengths away from me Zulu. I mean it…

lets-play

ZULU: Surprise!! Come on let’s play! Let’s put the PEACE back in War and Peace! Come on, pet my tummy!!

you-asked-for-it

AMARULA: I am not amused! You can’t say I didn’t warn you. Prepare for the claws of catastrophe…

ZULU: Oh please! The only catastrophe here is your breath!

bam

AMARULA: Kaboom!

ZULU: Hey!

boom

AMARULA: Kapow!

ZULU: Ok Ok!

i-will-stay-over-here

ZULU: OK I will stay over here! You are so immature!

peace-at-last

AMARULA: The claws of death have yet to let me down! Now to my Friendly Fill-Ins hosted by 15andmeowing and McGuffy’s Reader!

ZULU: When do I get to do the fill ins!?

claws-of-death

AMARULA: Talk to the paw, Zulu! Talk to the paw… Here are my Fill Ins!

  1. The first thing I check when I go online is _Whether or not Amazon is having a sale on catnip. I also Google to see if a new remake of that dog movie “Old Yeller” is coming out. I love a good comedy!
  2. My signature dish is: Hairball with a side of drool___________________.
  3. My Halloween night is usually spent: Frightening trick or treaters with the sounds of my forlorn caterwauling as I sing sadly about the death of summer.
  4. Trick or treaters : Have tasty ankles! I love trying to chop them when they come to the door! Yummy!

 

 

 

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A Game of Cat and … Mouth!?

takethinsintomyownhands

A Game of Cat and … Mouth!?

FRODO: Zulu what are you doing?

ZULU: Well, I hate to break this to your Frodo, but mom put me in charge of watching you and making sure you don’t get into trouble. You have been getting into quite a lot of trouble lately! So I have to keep you on a “short leash” so to speak.

whatyadoingzulu

FRODO: But we all know that I only get into trouble when I am led astray by Amarula! I am a well-behaved cat otherwise!

ZULU: While I generally agree that Amarula is responsible for most of the precarious predicaments you get into, you do tend to wander off if no one is watching you!

notgoinganywhere

FRODO: Come on Zulu! Let me go!

ZULU: Nope! Sorry I take my role as big brother and Frodo guardian seriously!

outoftroubleteeth

ZULU: Frankly, Frodo, I find I am quite enjoying this! It is the kind of job I can really sink my teeth into!

FRODO: Look! A butterfly over by the garden….

stayoutoftrouble2

ZULU: Not the garden Frodo! Come back here!

away-from-garden

FRODO: I love digging up the garden! Let go of my leash!

ZULU: Come back here!

away-from-garden-2

ZULU: I hope mom has good cat dental insurance cause watching you is killing my teeth!

We are participating in Comedy Plus’ Awwww….Mondays blog hop

 

A Lesson In Personal Space

amiand zulu 1

ZULU: All right Amarula, it’s time you accepted that I get to share the backyard with you. There is more than enough space for everyone to have a good time. Now let’s prove to mom that we are mature and can act like adults by hanging out without a fight.

itsonly fair

ZULU: It’s only fair that I get to enjoy lying in the grass and smelling the fresh summer air too!

look how well we are doing

ZULU: Now look how well we’re doing!

see isn't this great

ZULU: Isn’t this fun!??

what u doing

ZULU: You’re awfully quiet over there Amarula. What ‘cha doing?

washing

ZULU: Oh, that’s good. You’re just washing up.

awfully close

AMARULA: Yep. Just want to make sure that my claws are nice and clean and in working order.

awfully close

ZULU: What do you mean working order? You seem awfully close Amarula!

i mean this far

AMARULA: Now, Listen carefully. Here’s the deal. You must stay at least an arm’s length away from me if you don’t want to get up close and personal with my claws.

that far1

AMARULA: You know what, make that two arm’s lengths away! Nope, still not far enough. I’m gonna push on you with all my might and that’s as close as you are ever allowed to get!

2 arms lengths

AMARULA: Just a little farther…

play nice

AMARULA: Ah oh! The human is watching us. She is yelling something about how I must be nice to you! You don’t need to hear that nonsense!

i'm otta here!

ZULU: I’m out of here! You just can’t play maturely Amarula!

alone at last2

AMARULA: Alone at last!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The Cats are Working Hard On Labour Day!

amarula in tie (2)

AMARULA: Labour!?? I’m against it. I get Frodo to do all my chores! But I always dress up on Labor Day; what can I say, I look great in a tie.

 

laborfro1

FRODO: Goody Goody!! Labour Day is here! Amarula is always nice enough to let me do her chores! I love working! You get to meet all sorts of people. And mom always gives me a treat when I wear a tie. Yummy!

 

ohnowhereismybriefcase

FRODO: Oh no! Where did I put my briefcase? Amarula is going to kill me if I lost those files on the best way to catch a squirrel! Well, there’s only one thing to do when a crisis arises on the job…

 

sleeponthejob

FRODO: Sometimes you just gotta sleep on the job!

 

waitaminite1

ZULU: Labour Day?! I love it! I get to wear all these very bespoke outfits that really capture my fashion-forward side. It drives the ladies crazy!

 

wait2

ZULU: But I think I may have this tie all wrong! Why did I trust Amarula to help me put it on!? She told me it is supposed to go this way! Assistance!? I need assistance here!

 

forlornlawyer

ZULU: Ah…much better. What do you think of this pose? This is my powerful yet sensitive, brooding lawyer pose (ladies love fat cat lawyers). I’m a feline-rights advocate in the middle of a tough case trying to get equal rights for cats by insisting that all parks with off-leash dog zones must also have fenced-off feline-only areas. Though I’ve made some headway, the court is really fighting me on my insistence that all cats be armed with tasers and be allowed to zap any dog that comes to close to our feline-only perimeter. Lady Justice is a harsh mistress! OK Costume change!

 

flower collar

ZULU: Ah yes, the simple flower. This is my modern interpretation of a cravat. Men don’t just have to wear ties anymore!

 

tough but tender

ZULU: It says to the ladies that I am comfortable with my feminine side.

 

tough but tender2

ZULU: I am tough yet tender. And maybe just a little shy. Oh and it doesn’t hurt that the yellow really shows off my smooth-as-silk chocolate fur…

AMARULA: Can someone please shut that cat up?! Why is he still talking? And who would ever wear a flower collar to work?!?! What does any of this have to do with Labour Day?? He is really putting the BORE in Labour Day!

ZULU: Shut up Amarula! Labour Day only happens once a year! OK, next costume change!

 

genious

ZULU: At last, my other lawyer look. I stare down the jury with my mysterious, intelligent gaze.

 

youcan't handle the truth

ZULU: Finally, the end of the trial nears…I let loose a deep sigh as though the weight of the world is on my shoulders. Then I slowly look up to the jury and yell: You can’t handle the truth!

 

ready forcigarandcognacnow

ZULU: The court is in an uproar! The men are shouting, while the ladies swoon.  Of course, I win the case, and yet I am humble in the face of victory.

 

cognac

ZULU: OK I’m ready for my cognac and cigar! Frodo…Frodo where’s my cigar and cognac?! Is that cat sleeping on the job again!?

 

oh no

FRODO: Oh no! I can’t remember where I put Zulu’s cognac and cigars!! I forgot that Labour Day can be quite stressful!

 

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Catnip: Just Say No!

 

AMARULA: Well, don’t say I didn’t warn you. I predicted that Frodo and Zulu were just too young to handle the responsibility that comes with having your very own catnip patch in your backyard (well, MY backyard technically–no matter what the human says– but you know what I mean). I told the human that only I should be allowed to play among the catnip’s lush leaves. I knew that only I was mature enough to explore its sweet, intoxicating nectar without becoming a victim of its trance-inducing side effects. Some were not so lucky…

 

zulucat2

AMARULA: Zulu, believing that bathing himself in catnip made him more appealing to the ladies, was the first to go

zulu1catnip

AMARULA: It isn’t pretty, is it?

glasseyes

AMARULA: The glassy eyes say it all!
catnip3

AMARULA: Frodo lasted a bit longer, his youth (and I would argue, his lack of IQ) gave him a higher tolerance for the catnip’s hallucinogenic affects.

catnip patch2

AMARULA: But eventually, he too fell victim to the herb’s siren call of stupefaction.

catnip patch2

AMARULA: Feel free to look away, dear readers! It is quite appalling. Don’t let this happen to your beloved felines!!

 

proudherb

AMARULA: And finally, where once a proud herb stood lush and tall, there is now only desolation and the faint smell of cat tears!

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Cat Fight at the Catnip Patch!

frodocatnip

FRODO: Ah! There is nothing like the smell of fresh catnip in the morning. I am so glad mom planted it in her garden.

youknowyourinmycatnipright

FRODO: Oh oh.

ZULU: What ya doing Frodo? You know that is my patch of catnip, right?

iloveyalilbrobutyouhave5secondstovacatethepremises

FRODO: Didn’t we agree to share?

ZULU: I love ya like a brother but that’s my ‘nip.  You have three seconds to skedaddle.

tchance1

FRODO: One leaf…Can’t I just have one leaf?

ZULU: One…two…three…ATTACK!

can't we jsut shake

attack1a

say uncle

attack1

 

attack2-uncle

ZULU: Say Uncle Frodo!

FRODO: OK OK! Uncle!

mineallmine

ZULU: Mine all mine!…oh oh…

amimycatnip

AMARULA: What ya doing Zulu? You know that is my patch of catnip, right?

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Fee, Fi, Fo, Fum, Feline!

 

 

loveleafpile2

FRODO: Doh-di-doh, doh-di-doh…I love my leaf pile!

leaf pile

FRODO: It is one of my new favorite places since mom starting letting me go outside on a harness! It has wonderful smells….I just love rubbing in it!

leafs taste good

FRODO: The leaves even taste delicious…a delicate hint of mold mingled with old dog urine! Yum!

smell trouble

FRODO: OH OH I think I smell trouble on the horizon!

AMARULA: Fee, Fi, Fo, Fum, Feline…I smell an intruder in MY pile of leafs!

ifijustlookdownmaybenotnoticeme

FRODO: Oh no! She is coming this way! Maybe if I look down she won’t see me

feefi

AMARULA: What are you doing in MY pile of leafs Frodo?!

my leaf pile2

FRODO: I’m just keeping them warm for you by rubbing around in them, Big sis! Come and join me!

my leaf pile

AMARULA: That is never going to happen! Out! Vamoose vermin! I need some “me time” in my leaves!

realsorry

FRODO: Well I am real sorry about the misunderstanding Sis! Is there anything I can do to make it up to you!?

AMARULA: No just leave!

FRODO: I think I have a good idea how I can best say sorry…

kisstomakebetter

FRODO: Let’s kiss and makeup!!! Yipee!

AMARULA: Noooooooooooooooooooooo!

 

 

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Time for My Human to Die

AMARULA: Well, she’s done it! The human’s really done it! I was minding my own business, having a pleasant day out and about when this orange blob walked by…

thisidiotwalkedbyme

Apparently the human is now allowing Frodo out on a harness into my outdoors! MY outdoors!
leashedidiots

 

It was bad enough having Zulu to contend with but now I have Frodo invading my Feline Fiefdom!

timeformyhumantodie

Yep! I’ve tried to be nice. I tried to have Zulu killed welcomed Zulu with open arms when he joined me outside. But this, this is too much!

amifro

How much is one cat expected to endure!!?? Someone call the humane society and report my human!

gangsallhere1

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