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Catnip: Just Say No!

 

AMARULA: Well, don’t say I didn’t warn you. I predicted that Frodo and Zulu were just too young to handle the responsibility that comes with having your very own catnip patch in your backyard (well, MY backyard technically–no matter what the human says– but you know what I mean). I told the human that only I should be allowed to play among the catnip’s lush leaves. I knew that only I was mature enough to explore its sweet, intoxicating nectar without becoming a victim of its trance-inducing side effects. Some were not so lucky…

 

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AMARULA: Zulu, believing that bathing himself in catnip made him more appealing to the ladies, was the first to go

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AMARULA: It isn’t pretty, is it?

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AMARULA: The glassy eyes say it all!
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AMARULA: Frodo lasted a bit longer, his youth (and I would argue, his lack of IQ) gave him a higher tolerance for the catnip’s hallucinogenic affects.

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AMARULA: But eventually, he too fell victim to the herb’s siren call of stupefaction.

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AMARULA: Feel free to look away, dear readers! It is quite appalling. Don’t let this happen to your beloved felines!!

 

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AMARULA: And finally, where once a proud herb stood lush and tall, there is now only desolation and the faint smell of cat tears!

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Cat Fight at the Catnip Patch!

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FRODO: Ah! There is nothing like the smell of fresh catnip in the morning. I am so glad mom planted it in her garden.

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FRODO: Oh oh.

ZULU: What ya doing Frodo? You know that is my patch of catnip, right?

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FRODO: Didn’t we agree to share?

ZULU: I love ya like a brother but that’s my ‘nip.  You have three seconds to skedaddle.

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FRODO: One leaf…Can’t I just have one leaf?

ZULU: One…two…three…ATTACK!

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say uncle

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ZULU: Say Uncle Frodo!

FRODO: OK OK! Uncle!

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ZULU: Mine all mine!…oh oh…

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AMARULA: What ya doing Zulu? You know that is my patch of catnip, right?

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Fee, Fi, Fo, Fum, Feline!

 

 

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FRODO: Doh-di-doh, doh-di-doh…I love my leaf pile!

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FRODO: It is one of my new favorite places since mom starting letting me go outside on a harness! It has wonderful smells….I just love rubbing in it!

leafs taste good

FRODO: The leaves even taste delicious…a delicate hint of mold mingled with old dog urine! Yum!

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FRODO: OH OH I think I smell trouble on the horizon!

AMARULA: Fee, Fi, Fo, Fum, Feline…I smell an intruder in MY pile of leafs!

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FRODO: Oh no! She is coming this way! Maybe if I look down she won’t see me

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AMARULA: What are you doing in MY pile of leafs Frodo?!

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FRODO: I’m just keeping them warm for you by rubbing around in them, Big sis! Come and join me!

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AMARULA: That is never going to happen! Out! Vamoose vermin! I need some “me time” in my leaves!

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FRODO: Well I am real sorry about the misunderstanding Sis! Is there anything I can do to make it up to you!?

AMARULA: No just leave!

FRODO: I think I have a good idea how I can best say sorry…

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FRODO: Let’s kiss and makeup!!! Yipee!

AMARULA: Noooooooooooooooooooooo!

 

 

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Time for My Human to Die

AMARULA: Well, she’s done it! The human’s really done it! I was minding my own business, having a pleasant day out and about when this orange blob walked by…

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Apparently the human is now allowing Frodo out on a harness into my outdoors! MY outdoors!
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It was bad enough having Zulu to contend with but now I have Frodo invading my Feline Fiefdom!

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Yep! I’ve tried to be nice. I tried to have Zulu killed welcomed Zulu with open arms when he joined me outside. But this, this is too much!

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How much is one cat expected to endure!!?? Someone call the humane society and report my human!

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Why I love Springtime!

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AMARULA: As you know I hate winter! All that snow means I can’t go outside for many months. So I love when spring arrives and I can once again rule the outdoors! And yes, while spring also means that Zulu gets to join me outside on his harness…yuck…

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The real reason I am so happy to see the snow go away and the grass turn green again is precisely because Zulu joins me outside!  I get to drive him crazy by standing on his leash so he can’t move or–even better–pulling on his leash so he has to go where I tell him to go!

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ZULU: Get off my leash! Mom! Look what Amarula is doing!

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AMARULA: Oh glorious spring! Who knew I would love it so when Zulu joins me outside!

Being “In” is So Out!

FRODO: Well spring is finally here — at least that’s what Amarula and Zulu keep talking about. They sure are excited about finally going outside again now that the snow is gone (even though Zulu has to wear a harness).

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FRODO: I must admit it does look very exciting out there!

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I can only imagine the adventures I could get up to outside!!

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FRODO: I might finally be able to catch that red squirrel that keeps taunting me!

 

 

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FRODO: Hey Zulu and Amarula when will I be big enough to come join you outside?

AMARULA: Never! The human has no plans to let you outside of the cat containment unit! I heard her saying that even on a harness you would likely get into too much trouble!

FRODO: What’s that you say?!?…but that’s not fair…I really never get to go outside?!?

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FRODO: NEVER??!! Noooooooooooooooooooooooo. Let me out!

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Frodo Celebrates National Tabby Day!

AMARULA: Well Frodo, I guess you think you are really something special since today is National Tabby Cat Day. You better not let it go to your head!

FRODO: National Tabby Day! Yipee!! How exciting! Take a good look Amarula….what kind of Tabby am I?

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AMARULA: You’re about to be a dead Tabby if you don’t get off my Lazyboy! Frankly you seem like a Lazy Tabby to me!

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AMARULA: Or how about a chubby Tabby?

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FRODO: What about a Handsome Tabby? Could I be the handsome variety of Tabby, Amarula?

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AMARULA: NO definitely not! I would say more of a Martian-like Tabby

 

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ZULU: I think  you are a Beloved Tabby Frodo!

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ZULU: Beloved and handsome too! (Though not nearly as handsome as me!)

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FRODO: Thanks Zulu! I’ll also ask Mom what kind of Tabby I am…..

FRODO: Well Mom said I am a Very Loved Tabby and she also said I’m a not-allowed-on-the-table-but-does-it-anyway Tabby!

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FRODO: Mom also said I was officially known as a Classy Tabby!!

AMARULA: I think you mean CLASSIC Tabby Frodo…but she should have said clueless!

FRODO: I am pretty sure she means CLASSY Amarula…check me out!

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FRODO: YEAH! I love being a Classy Tabby! And happy National Tabby day to all you Tabbies out there! Yippee!

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In the Doghouse: Dishing the Dirt with Frodo and Zulu!

AMARULA: So a little while ago, Frodo walked by the Human looking like this:

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Well, as you can imagine this alarmed the human significantly as her sister had just moments ago dropped off a plant that the Human was in charge of looking after while her sister went on vacation.

How did Frodo get into this mess you may wonder? Well I may have played a tiny part…naturally, being the well-behaved cat that I am, when the plant arrived, I called Frodo over and our conversation went something like this:

AMARULA: Frodo come over here and see the new bed the Human got you!

FRODO: Oh Boy! Oh Boy!! For me!? It sure is comfy! Thanks so much for letting me know Amarula. Zulu always says not to trust you but I think you are swell!

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AMARULA: Now the Human wants to see you enjoying yourself so make sure you really dig around in the dirt and “make it your own” as they say.

FRODO: Gosh golly this is soooooooooooooooooooooo exciting. I love digging!

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AMARULA: In fact, I think I heard the Human mention something about treats being buried in the dirt so you better check!

FRODO: Oh I will! I will check Amarula and I will be sure to share with you and Zulu! I so hope they are chicken treats!

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FRODO: Are you sure there are treats in here Amarula cause I sure can’t find any.

AMARULA: Would I steer you wrong? You just need to dig harder.

FRODO: Okey Dokey!!

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FRODO: All this digging is so tiring!

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AMARULA: You’re right it is a lot of hard work! You better get Zulu to help.

FRODO: You are so smart Amarula! Thanks!

ZULU: Hey! Why didn’t I get a new bed? I wonder if the earthy smell of dirt will make me smell more attractive to the ladies! Let’s dig Frodo…

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AMARULA: So let’s just say that Zulu and Frodo are not getting any bedtime treats tonight! They are soooooooo in the doghouse! Hee hee! I love being an evil genius!

 

Crime & Punishment: The Questioning…and the Defeat

AMARULA: I have spent the last week wisely gathering clues and spying on monitoring the suspects closely. Sadly, my attempts to question the potential perpetrators did not go as well as I had hoped…

SUSPECT #1 ZULU:

As Zulu is the most timid cat in the household, I had thought getting him to break under my intense questioning would be easy. I was mistaken. Behind that timidity lies the fearlessness of a lion!

I cornered him in the cat condo and tried to get some answers as to where my toys could possibly be…

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Nothing could shake the truth from him. No matter how I threatened and cajoled him he would not fold but merely laughed at my efforts!

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SUSPECT #2 FRODO: I got Frodo alone on several occasions and gave him the old stink eye! I was sure he would wither and cave under my menacing stare but he would not be broken!

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I even tried an old-school beat down to get him to talk but nothing worked!

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He, like Zulu, only laughed at my efforts to get him to talk. Oh the inhumanity!!

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SUSPECT #3 VERA the Hairless One:

This mini human is either insanely clever or dumb as a lamp post. I tried to question her but she merely drooled and then spat up on me. She is inscrutable.

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SUSPECT #4, 5 and 6 Odin the Dog, the Raccoons and the Squirrels:

Sadly, Odin and his raccoon and squirrel crew were nowhere to be found. They have escaped justice for now! Though frankly I believe the group of them just doesn’t have enough brain power to have pulled off such a heist as stealing all my toys! Alas dear readers, this leaves me in the unenviable position of admitting to you that I have failed. I am just going to go have a long nap now.

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I simply do not know who stole my playthings! I fear we shall never know…hey, has anyone seen Frodo around lately…

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