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Sherlock Hopeless Pet Detective: Part 3 Mission Accomplished!

AMARULA (aka Sherlock Hopeless Pet Detective): As you may recall, last Monday I had finally cornered my greatest nemesis: Play-Doh (that’s right, as in that sticky, clay-like stuff kids love to play with!). Scuttlebutt among the neighborhood cats is that’s the ridiculous name her human’s gave her! Humans can be so cruel! Hee hee!

weak-start

AMARULA:  I will be frank. She proved to be a greater foe than I imagined. She has nerves of steel! Neither of us proved victorious for the sidewalk showdown so we had to take the competition up a notch! It was time for the dreaded “Bouncy Belly Beatdown”. In this fierce battle maneuver, both cats display their bellies in a competition to see whose is the cutest and most rubbable. She started the Bouncy Belly Beatdown:

who-has-most-rubbable-belly

AMARULA: She was off to a weak start…

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AMARULA: But pretty quickly she starting giving it her all by exposing what even I must admit is a very rubbable belly!

close-up-please-pet-detectiv-mission-accomplished-i-am-victorious

AMARULA: So then I showed her my stuff! Close up please…

belly-cute

AMARULA: Have you ever seen a cuter tummy? And look at that exquisite toe curl! Then I just flash my emerald green eyes and no one can resist me! I mean it’s incredible, right?!

stare-down

AMARULA: Finally we had to admit that both our tummies were incredibly cute and call a tie. So we moved on to the final competition: the Staredown!

gaze-of-terror-pet-detective

AMARULA: She gave it a noble effort…

sent-her-running

AMARULA: But finally she had to admit defeat! I was victorious! The streets, sidewalks and backyards of the neighborhood were once again mine!

ran-away-in-fear

AMARULA: Look at her run in fear (well, alright, maybe not so much run as saunter)! She was a worthy opponent who fought fairly so we came to a compromise that she could visit MY backyard once a week. At other times…

her-side-of-the-fence

AMARULA: She has to stay on her side of the fence!

AMARULA: Where she and Frodo can stare longingly at one another from a distance!

And we are doing the Awww Monday Blog hop from Comedyplus!

Sherlock Hopeless Pet Detective: Part 2 Sidewalk Showdown!

sherlock-hopeless-cat-detective

AMARULA  (aka Sherlock Hopless Pet Detective): Well, I did it! Phffffft to all you naysayers! I told you I would track down that sneaky feline who has been coming into MY backyard to hang with Frodo and I did it! While my extensive investigative search a few weeks ago proved fruitless, (I simply could not concentrate because I always felt like I was being followed!) this week was much more successful!

patroling-the-streets-sidewalks-pet-detective

AMARULA: I was doing my regular neighborhood-watch patrol of my sidewalks, minding my own business….

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AMARULA: When Blam! She jumped out of a pile of leaves!

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AMARULA: I relied on my lighting-like reflexes and used some of that fancy footwork us torties are known for to avoid the fluffy ball of danger! Yet she persisted in following me! Did the idiot not realize that I intended to introduce her to my “Paws of Death” to persuade her to stay away from my backyard!? Clearly all that fluff has gone her head!

sidewalk-showdow-pet-detective

AMARULA: Well, I hated to do it, but clearly this was going to call for some serious feline ferociousness! It was time for the dreaded Sidewalk Showdown!

sidewalk-showdown

AMARULA: The goal is to protect your side of the sidewalk until one feline gives way and admits the other’s superiority. It ain’t pretty folks and can get quite fierce! You may want to hide your children and look away…

get-comfy-this-could-take-awhile

AMARULA: Dear readers, you may want to get comfy… this could take awhile…to be continued…

 

And we are doing the Awww Monday Blog hop from Comedyplus!

War and Peace: a Backyard Battleground

 

 

dont-you-think-this-rule-about-separate-corners-is-stupid

ZULU: Don’t you think this is childish Amarula? Why can’t we just hang out close to one another in the backyard without any fur flying.

AMARULA: As I recall, aren’t you the fighter in the family? Weren’t you the one who started a fight with Frodo a few weeks ago?

ZULU: That was for something of vital importance! Supremacy of the catnip patch! But normally I’m a lover not a fighter!

wheniopen-my-eyes-you-better-not-be-here

AMARULA: When I open my eyes you better be at least a full three-cat lengths away from me Zulu. I mean it…

lets-play

ZULU: Surprise!! Come on let’s play! Let’s put the PEACE back in War and Peace! Come on, pet my tummy!!

you-asked-for-it

AMARULA: I am not amused! You can’t say I didn’t warn you. Prepare for the claws of catastrophe…

ZULU: Oh please! The only catastrophe here is your breath!

bam

AMARULA: Kaboom!

ZULU: Hey!

boom

AMARULA: Kapow!

ZULU: Ok Ok!

i-will-stay-over-here

ZULU: OK I will stay over here! You are so immature!

peace-at-last

AMARULA: The claws of death have yet to let me down! Now to my Friendly Fill-Ins hosted by 15andmeowing and McGuffy’s Reader!

ZULU: When do I get to do the fill ins!?

claws-of-death

AMARULA: Talk to the paw, Zulu! Talk to the paw… Here are my Fill Ins!

  1. The first thing I check when I go online is _Whether or not Amazon is having a sale on catnip. I also Google to see if a new remake of that dog movie “Old Yeller” is coming out. I love a good comedy!
  2. My signature dish is: Hairball with a side of drool___________________.
  3. My Halloween night is usually spent: Frightening trick or treaters with the sounds of my forlorn caterwauling as I sing sadly about the death of summer.
  4. Trick or treaters : Have tasty ankles! I love trying to chop them when they come to the door! Yummy!

 

 

 

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A Game of Cat and … Mouth!?

takethinsintomyownhands

A Game of Cat and … Mouth!?

FRODO: Zulu what are you doing?

ZULU: Well, I hate to break this to your Frodo, but mom put me in charge of watching you and making sure you don’t get into trouble. You have been getting into quite a lot of trouble lately! So I have to keep you on a “short leash” so to speak.

whatyadoingzulu

FRODO: But we all know that I only get into trouble when I am led astray by Amarula! I am a well-behaved cat otherwise!

ZULU: While I generally agree that Amarula is responsible for most of the precarious predicaments you get into, you do tend to wander off if no one is watching you!

notgoinganywhere

FRODO: Come on Zulu! Let me go!

ZULU: Nope! Sorry I take my role as big brother and Frodo guardian seriously!

outoftroubleteeth

ZULU: Frankly, Frodo, I find I am quite enjoying this! It is the kind of job I can really sink my teeth into!

FRODO: Look! A butterfly over by the garden….

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ZULU: Not the garden Frodo! Come back here!

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FRODO: I love digging up the garden! Let go of my leash!

ZULU: Come back here!

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ZULU: I hope mom has good cat dental insurance cause watching you is killing my teeth!

We are participating in Comedy Plus’ Awwww….Mondays blog hop

 

A Lesson In Personal Space

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ZULU: All right Amarula, it’s time you accepted that I get to share the backyard with you. There is more than enough space for everyone to have a good time. Now let’s prove to mom that we are mature and can act like adults by hanging out without a fight.

itsonly fair

ZULU: It’s only fair that I get to enjoy lying in the grass and smelling the fresh summer air too!

look how well we are doing

ZULU: Now look how well we’re doing!

see isn't this great

ZULU: Isn’t this fun!??

what u doing

ZULU: You’re awfully quiet over there Amarula. What ‘cha doing?

washing

ZULU: Oh, that’s good. You’re just washing up.

awfully close

AMARULA: Yep. Just want to make sure that my claws are nice and clean and in working order.

awfully close

ZULU: What do you mean working order? You seem awfully close Amarula!

i mean this far

AMARULA: Now, Listen carefully. Here’s the deal. You must stay at least an arm’s length away from me if you don’t want to get up close and personal with my claws.

that far1

AMARULA: You know what, make that two arm’s lengths away! Nope, still not far enough. I’m gonna push on you with all my might and that’s as close as you are ever allowed to get!

2 arms lengths

AMARULA: Just a little farther…

play nice

AMARULA: Ah oh! The human is watching us. She is yelling something about how I must be nice to you! You don’t need to hear that nonsense!

i'm otta here!

ZULU: I’m out of here! You just can’t play maturely Amarula!

alone at last2

AMARULA: Alone at last!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The Cats are Working Hard On Labour Day!

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AMARULA: Labour!?? I’m against it. I get Frodo to do all my chores! But I always dress up on Labor Day; what can I say, I look great in a tie.

 

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FRODO: Goody Goody!! Labour Day is here! Amarula is always nice enough to let me do her chores! I love working! You get to meet all sorts of people. And mom always gives me a treat when I wear a tie. Yummy!

 

ohnowhereismybriefcase

FRODO: Oh no! Where did I put my briefcase? Amarula is going to kill me if I lost those files on the best way to catch a squirrel! Well, there’s only one thing to do when a crisis arises on the job…

 

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FRODO: Sometimes you just gotta sleep on the job!

 

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ZULU: Labour Day?! I love it! I get to wear all these very bespoke outfits that really capture my fashion-forward side. It drives the ladies crazy!

 

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ZULU: But I think I may have this tie all wrong! Why did I trust Amarula to help me put it on!? She told me it is supposed to go this way! Assistance!? I need assistance here!

 

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ZULU: Ah…much better. What do you think of this pose? This is my powerful yet sensitive, brooding lawyer pose (ladies love fat cat lawyers). I’m a feline-rights advocate in the middle of a tough case trying to get equal rights for cats by insisting that all parks with off-leash dog zones must also have fenced-off feline-only areas. Though I’ve made some headway, the court is really fighting me on my insistence that all cats be armed with tasers and be allowed to zap any dog that comes to close to our feline-only perimeter. Lady Justice is a harsh mistress! OK Costume change!

 

flower collar

ZULU: Ah yes, the simple flower. This is my modern interpretation of a cravat. Men don’t just have to wear ties anymore!

 

tough but tender

ZULU: It says to the ladies that I am comfortable with my feminine side.

 

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ZULU: I am tough yet tender. And maybe just a little shy. Oh and it doesn’t hurt that the yellow really shows off my smooth-as-silk chocolate fur…

AMARULA: Can someone please shut that cat up?! Why is he still talking? And who would ever wear a flower collar to work?!?! What does any of this have to do with Labour Day?? He is really putting the BORE in Labour Day!

ZULU: Shut up Amarula! Labour Day only happens once a year! OK, next costume change!

 

genious

ZULU: At last, my other lawyer look. I stare down the jury with my mysterious, intelligent gaze.

 

youcan't handle the truth

ZULU: Finally, the end of the trial nears…I let loose a deep sigh as though the weight of the world is on my shoulders. Then I slowly look up to the jury and yell: You can’t handle the truth!

 

ready forcigarandcognacnow

ZULU: The court is in an uproar! The men are shouting, while the ladies swoon.  Of course, I win the case, and yet I am humble in the face of victory.

 

cognac

ZULU: OK I’m ready for my cognac and cigar! Frodo…Frodo where’s my cigar and cognac?! Is that cat sleeping on the job again!?

 

oh no

FRODO: Oh no! I can’t remember where I put Zulu’s cognac and cigars!! I forgot that Labour Day can be quite stressful!

 

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Catnip: Just Say No!

 

AMARULA: Well, don’t say I didn’t warn you. I predicted that Frodo and Zulu were just too young to handle the responsibility that comes with having your very own catnip patch in your backyard (well, MY backyard technically–no matter what the human says– but you know what I mean). I told the human that only I should be allowed to play among the catnip’s lush leaves. I knew that only I was mature enough to explore its sweet, intoxicating nectar without becoming a victim of its trance-inducing side effects. Some were not so lucky…

 

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AMARULA: Zulu, believing that bathing himself in catnip made him more appealing to the ladies, was the first to go

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AMARULA: It isn’t pretty, is it?

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AMARULA: The glassy eyes say it all!
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AMARULA: Frodo lasted a bit longer, his youth (and I would argue, his lack of IQ) gave him a higher tolerance for the catnip’s hallucinogenic affects.

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AMARULA: But eventually, he too fell victim to the herb’s siren call of stupefaction.

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AMARULA: Feel free to look away, dear readers! It is quite appalling. Don’t let this happen to your beloved felines!!

 

proudherb

AMARULA: And finally, where once a proud herb stood lush and tall, there is now only desolation and the faint smell of cat tears!

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