In the Doghouse: Dishing the Dirt with Frodo and Zulu!

AMARULA: So a little while ago, Frodo walked by the Human looking like this:

theevidence

Well, as you can imagine this alarmed the human significantly as her sister had just moments ago dropped off a plant that the Human was in charge of looking after while her sister went on vacation.

How did Frodo get into this mess you may wonder? Well I may have played a tiny part…naturally, being the well-behaved cat that I am, when the plant arrived, I called Frodo over and our conversation went something like this:

AMARULA: Frodo come over here and see the new bed the Human got you!

FRODO: Oh Boy! Oh Boy!! For me!? It sure is comfy! Thanks so much for letting me know Amarula. Zulu always says not to trust you but I think you are swell!

plantproof1

AMARULA: Now the Human wants to see you enjoying yourself so make sure you really dig around in the dirt and “make it your own” as they say.

FRODO: Gosh golly this is soooooooooooooooooooooo exciting. I love digging!

plant proof 1

AMARULA: In fact, I think I heard the Human mention something about treats being buried in the dirt so you better check!

FRODO: Oh I will! I will check Amarula and I will be sure to share with you and Zulu! I so hope they are chicken treats!

plantproof3

FRODO: Are you sure there are treats in here Amarula cause I sure can’t find any.

AMARULA: Would I steer you wrong? You just need to dig harder.

FRODO: Okey Dokey!!

litterbox

FRODO: All this digging is so tiring!

plantproof4

AMARULA: You’re right it is a lot of hard work! You better get Zulu to help.

FRODO: You are so smart Amarula! Thanks!

ZULU: Hey! Why didn’t I get a new bed? I wonder if the earthy smell of dirt will make me smell more attractive to the ladies! Let’s dig Frodo…

plantproof5

 

AMARULA: So let’s just say that Zulu and Frodo are not getting any bedtime treats tonight! They are soooooooo in the doghouse! Hee hee! I love being an evil genius!

 

Crime & Punishment: The Questioning…and the Defeat

AMARULA: I have spent the last week wisely gathering clues and spying on monitoring the suspects closely. Sadly, my attempts to question the potential perpetrators did not go as well as I had hoped…

SUSPECT #1 ZULU:

As Zulu is the most timid cat in the household, I had thought getting him to break under my intense questioning would be easy. I was mistaken. Behind that timidity lies the fearlessness of a lion!

I cornered him in the cat condo and tried to get some answers as to where my toys could possibly be…

corneredzulu

Nothing could shake the truth from him. No matter how I threatened and cajoled him he would not fold but merely laughed at my efforts!

suspectzulu

SUSPECT #2 FRODO: I got Frodo alone on several occasions and gave him the old stink eye! I was sure he would wither and cave under my menacing stare but he would not be broken!

staredown

I even tried an old-school beat down to get him to talk but nothing worked!

questioningfrodo

He, like Zulu, only laughed at my efforts to get him to talk. Oh the inhumanity!!

hemerelylaughded

SUSPECT #3 VERA the Hairless One:

This mini human is either insanely clever or dumb as a lamp post. I tried to question her but she merely drooled and then spat up on me. She is inscrutable.

questionningvera

SUSPECT #4, 5 and 6 Odin the Dog, the Raccoons and the Squirrels:

Sadly, Odin and his raccoon and squirrel crew were nowhere to be found. They have escaped justice for now! Though frankly I believe the group of them just doesn’t have enough brain power to have pulled off such a heist as stealing all my toys! Alas dear readers, this leaves me in the unenviable position of admitting to you that I have failed. I am just going to go have a long nap now.

amapraying

I simply do not know who stole my playthings! I fear we shall never know…hey, has anyone seen Frodo around lately…

heeheetheyareallmine

 

Crime and Punishment: The Clues

AMARULA: As you know, dear readers, last week I began my investigation into who has been stealing my toys. I lined up a hefty array of suspects, but I also thought it only fair to present you with the clues that have led me to suspect my list of mischievous miscreants. I don’t want anyone to accuse me of not being impartial!

SUSPECT #1 ZULU: The Clues…

Clue #1: He just looks guilty of something.

zulu deep thought 2

Clue #2: On several occasions, after a catnip-fueled night of carousing and catcalling, I have caught him asleep surrounded by my toys!

uzulutoys

Clue #3: He likes claiming things that are solely mine as his own. I have on several occasions made it clear that the Human’s beloved rocker is actually mine, but Zulu insists it is his:

claiming the rocker

Not to mention how he invades MY outdoor domain!

no that's my blade of grass

There can be little doubt that Zulu is a serious suspect!

SUSPECT #2 FRODO: The Clues…

Clue #1: Much like Zulu, he just plain ole looks guilty! I mean the thing never blinks! Never!

suspectfrodo

Clue #2: We know FRODO is capable of grave deception after he was caught toying with my playthings in the never-to-be-forgotten bathtub incident. And, just like Zulu, he has also been caught in several compromising positions with my toys!

bythefirewithmytoys

Clue #3: The Human had a friend who brought a …shudder…dog for a visit. At some point the canine’s antler toy went missing and I just bet you know who was caught playing with it!

antler antler2

Frodo was even caught sleeping with it!

clues

SUSPECT #3 Vera aka the Furless one: The Clues…

Clue #1: The creature crawls yet has no fur. It’s unnatural!

crawllikeme

Clue #2: Much like Frodo, she is just too darn friendly!! One can only imagine what madness hides behind that seemingly innocent smile!

vera

 

Clue #3: She has also been spotted playing with my toys (and playing with Frodo, which clearly shows a significant lack of judgement)

steal your toys

 

SUSPECT #4, 5 & 6 Odin the dog, the Raccoons and the Squirrels.

Sadly, a large snow fall prevented me from doing my usual neighborhood rounds and ruined my chance to spy on these suspects so I am going to focus my efforts on Zulu, Frodo and Vera!

Now that I have evaluated the clues, I shall spend a few days pondering the evidence. Stay tuned next week when I began to question the suspects! It won’t be pretty!

ZULU: Psssssssssst Frodo, don’t look now but I think Amarula might be on to us. Are you sure you hid the toys well?

don'tlooknowbutithinkhemaybe onto us

FRODO: Don’t worry big bro! I got it covered! Hee hee!

wherearemyfavtoys-hasanyoneseenthem

Crime and Punishment: The Suspects

dissaraydoesnotamuseme

 

AMARULA: As you know from my recent blog post, some cruel beast has been stealing my toys. I have vowed not to rest until the culprit is apprehended and faces the stinging shame of my sharpened claws across his backside (as well as an equally ignominious lashing from the feline-loving dog next door, who has enthusiastically offered to subject the offender to a hundred licks from his slobbery tongue!). I pride myself on my razor-sharp intelligence and therefore I plan to conduct my inquest methodically so as not to miss a single detail. I shall begin by going over the list of possible perpetrators.

 

POSSIBLE SUSPECT #1: ZULU

zulu

Just one look tells you all you need to know about this feckless feline. When he isn’t hopped up on catnip and barely conscious, he is staring at himself in the mirror singing Marvin Gaye’s “Let’s Get it On” to himself.

sunbeams not warm

Or bathing himself for the 100th time in a day!

zulu cleaning

 

 

POSSIBLE SUSPECT #2: FRODO:

isthatthefaceofaninnocent

Do I really need to explain my reasons?! Is this not the face of a hardened criminal (or at the very least, a feline with very bad gas!)? Could you really trust a cat who is STILL recovering from too much partying on St. Patty’s day?!?!

toomuchpartying

And you do not want to know what he got up to at Easter!

easter

 

POSSIBLE SUSPECT #3: VERA:

suspectvera

I know Frodo likes the young scamp but she’s got trouble written all over her. Don’t let that innocent smile fool you! Besides, I don’t think creatures who crawl should have skin instead of fur! It’s just not natural!

 

POSSIBLE SUSPECT #4: ODIN:

odin

One of my many nemeses, much like baby Vera, his youth and beguiling features means he is not to be trusted! Enough said!

 

POSSIBLE SUSPECT #5: the RACCOONS:

racoon nemesis

They only come out at night and are always in the backyard up to some bad business! They come with their own masks for God’s sake! If they aren’t the ones responsible for stealing my toys, they are certainly guilty of something!!

 

POSSIBLE SUSPECT #6: the SQUIRRELS:

suspectsquirrel

They are always watching me! Even indoors I am not safe! You all know about my long-standing disputes with these nefarious nut-eaters! They are plotting to ruin me so why shouldn’t they also be plotting to drive me crazy by stealing my toys!

Well not to worry! Over the next few days I shall hide and secretly watch all of the suspects’ every move!

watchtheminsilcen

None shall escape my scrutiny! Stay tuned!

watchingeverymovezulu

watch

 

Time for My Human to Die (Happy St. Patty’s Day!)

stpattys2

The Human’s cruelty knows no bounds. Granted, green shows off my emerald eyes to perfection, but still, there are limits! I was almost going to let her live until she added the feathers. Now I am just deciding whether I should wait to kill her until after she feeds me.  Murder and mayhem can be so tiring on an empty stomach!

pattys3

Somebody is Toying With Me

AMARULA: Dearest readers, as you know I am not one to complain. Far be it for me to cast aspersions on the integrity of a fellow feline but, alas, I feel I have no choice. You will remember that last week I produced compelling (and horrifying) images of Frodo and Zulu playing in my secret (or so I thought) toy box (a.k.a the bathtub). Well, the disappearance of my favorite toys continues unabated!  Some one (or some feline…) has actually absconded with my prized pompoms! Oh the inhumanity..infelinenity!!

 

Where are they?? You see what’s happening here don’t you!? One of those perfidious pussycats must have stolen them!

You do see what's happening here right

ZULU: Who us? Nah…we’re too cute and busy napping to be stealing your stuff Amarula!

innocent us.

AMARULA: Silence Zulu! I know that the perpetrator is most likely Frodo! I have often seen him nosing around one of my other toy boxes:

mytoybox

toybox2

I have even caught him PLAYING with my toys out in the open!

mytoy1 mytoy2

He is especially careless about respecting my property when he is hopped-up on catnip (which he so often is!)

mytoy3

Frodo is always trying too hard to look harmless! I mean no one can be that cute and innocent-right?

frodo

FRODO: I could never take your toys and hide them from you Amarula! I’m too cute and innocent!

AMARULA: Where oh where have my little toys gone?

FRODO: I have no idea…

AMARULA: Don’t worry dear readers! I am on the case! I shall not rest until I find my toys and who is responsible for hiding them on me!

FRODO: mmmmmwwwwahahahahahaha…..

heehee

 

My Bathtub’s Dirty Secret!

AMARULA: Many of you may not realize just how much I suffer since Frodo has been added to our feline trio. Being pounced on indiscriminately, my favorite box-of-solitude being appropriated and my privacy in the litter box now a forgotten luxury…..

nosharinglitterbox

 

Yes, Frodo’s crimes are legion and now he is stealing my toys! I had noticed the disappearance of my favorite ping pong and fuzzy balls since his arrival so, over the last few weeks, I have been forced to stash them in what I thought was the perfect secret spot known only to me (and now you dear readers)…the bathtub!

i thought theyweresafe!

 

I had thought these porcelain walls would hide my beloved baubles, but alas, I was wrong! Over the last couple of days, I have noticed that they are slowly disappearing. So using the advanced online degree in engineering I acquired while the Human was sleeping, I set up a hidden camera to get to the truth of what was happening in MY bathtub. Beware dear readers…the shocking photos you are about to behold are enough to curl your whiskers! Frodo was indeed playing with my toys!

frodoplaying

 

playing2

Shocking–no? But it only gets worse…Not only was Frodo frolicking with my toys, he has been using my porcelain palace to do a bevy of bad acts:

Napping:

nappinmg

Bathing (OK, even I can admit that a bathtub is a pretty good place to self-clean):

bathing

Just looking stupefied as usual…

justlookingstupid

And the most terrible act of all…inviting Zulu to join him for playtime:

zuluandfrodo

zuandfroplayingtub

I ask you…have I not endured enough??

amiandzulubath

Ah well! It is February 29th and leap year only happens every four years so I will make a once-every-four-years exception…if you can’t beat em, join em!

can'tbeatemjoinem

 

The Idiot Box

AMARULA: Life with Frodo continues to be an incredibly taxing experience. My efforts thus far to frighten him into submission with my superior intelligence, wit and sharp claws seem to have had no effect on the nincompoop, who remains frustratingly cheerful and friendly! Curse that ginger’s gregariousness! But now that imp must be stopped! He has taken to using MY beloved Sour Puss box for his own ends! Though I have clearly said that it is off limits, he continues to sleep, play and just lounge about in it.

sleepsinthebox

lounginginbox

AMARULA: To make matters worse, Frodo even invites Zulu to join him in MY box! I know they get together in there to plot against me!

zuluandfrodobox

try look innnocenrt

ZULU: (in a whisper) Let me guess…Amarula thinks we’re plotting against her again…

AMARULA: Silence you mocha miscreant! Don’t interrupt! But now Frodo has gone too far! He is using my own box against me! Lately, when I approach my cardboard sanctuary innocently planning to catch an eight-hour nap…

norshouldboxbeusedtosurprise

WHAM! He lies in wait and strikes without mercy and scares the bejesus out of me.

unsuspectingfeline

How am I supposed to endure when my very own box is used for such nefarious purposes?! Now wait a minute…what’s this…

surprise zulu1

Frodo seems about to do the same thing to Zulu…

oktosurprisezulu

And Zulu does not look happy!

surprise zulu

Well maybe I can get used to Frodo borrowing my box sometimes if he is going to put it to such good use by terrorizing Zulu!!

Nemesis of the Month: Retraction!! (babies aren’t so bad…)

FRODO: I know Amarula is going to kill me! She really feels strongly about just who makes her list of “Nemeses” but good golly I just gotta print a retraction against Amarula’s wishes on Amarula’s “behalf.” A few months ago she must just have been having a bad day when she declared that babies were bad!

The other day, mom’s sister brought her baby, Vera, over and I just thought she was darn delightful! veraandfrodo1

Unlike most humans, she even crawls like me! And she chased me around for hours! Even Zulu gets tired of playing with me after awhile–but not Vera!

veraandfrodooverall

crawllikeme

We had lots of fun playing with my toys!

steal your toys

and crying won't help

We had a very pleasant nap and I didn’t even mind when Vera used me as a pillow.

useaspillow

Vera ended her visit by sharing a sunbeam with me

friends

Yep! Amarula might call Vera Nemesis but I call her Friend!

sometimes good sunbeam companions

 

 

A Real Sour Puss

AMARULA: As you can imagine, life has been a real struggle since Frodo came to join us. The nauseatingly friendly and way-too-energetic kitten seems to have made it his life’s mission to be my friend! Despite the fact that the human and Zulu are both more than happy to spend time with him, Frodo insists on, as he says, “spreading the love” in a very misguided attempt to befriend me!

Luckily, I have a series of 26 boxes scattered in prized locations throughout the house where I can find solace and silence. They are my very own frolicking feline-free zones! Of all of them, this one is my favorite for obvious reasons.

sour puss box

Ah! Peace at last! These four cardboard walls are my sanctuary! A place I can go and be alone to reflect on the meaning of life, groom and enjoy a quick 6 hour nap.

quietmomentsinbetterdays

Oh no…what’s this?

used tobemysanctuary2

FRODO: Hey Amarula, guess who! I found you!! I just love it when we play hide and seek! I can’t believe we have the same favorite game. We are so going to be besties just like me and Zulu!

used tobemysanctuary2a

AMARULA: We are never going to be best friends you lummox! Now be gone!

 

lookscomfy

FRODO: It sure looks cozy in there. Can I join you?

imgoingin

AMARULA: No! Leave me in peace.

FRODO: Hmph! Ah come on! I’ll sulk if you don’t let me in.

sulkuntiluletmein

AMARULA: Go away!

plscanicomein

FRODO:  I know you don’t really mean it! Your hisses say “no” but your eyes say yes! I’m coming in…

uwordssaynobutyourheartsaysyes

AMARULA: I’m outta here!

 

i'm otta here

FRODO: Hey, where did you go? Are we playing hide and seek again?! Yippee! I’m coming, don’t worry I’ll find you!

wheredidugo