BILTONG: Alright, this is Biltong talking here (the tiny grey, distinguished-looking Oriental). We have been taking a lot of crap from Amarula (the FAT and ugly tortie–I mean what kind of color is that?? Are you black, orange or beige! Make up your mind! She looks like Halloween threw up all over her!) and now it is my brother, Zulu, and my turn to have our say. We LOVE being indoor cats. It’s the life!
Here are the top reasons why being indoors is ideal!
1. We know where the best sunbeams are in every corner of the house:
2. We never have to worry about coming face to face with our neighbor dog Major or any of those giant Canadian rats called “racoons”
3. We never have to worry about getting fleas unless one catches a ride on Amarula (which frankly, with her hygiene, is a pretty high risk despite mom using Advantage® on her)
4. We never get chased up a tree by the aformentioned nefarious neighbor dog and then have all the neighbors come out and point and laugh as we try to make our way head-first down the tree–so humiliating! How can Amarula show her face around here again–imagine running from a dog wearing a bow tie!
5. We never have to worry about coming home smelling like skunk (or maybe that is Amarula’s natural odor?!)
6. We don’t have to worry about the gang of local squirrels beating us up looking for peanuts.
7. We can take our morning constitutional inside without prying eyes, in the privacy of our own litter box. When Amarula goes the whole neighborhood can watch her!
8. We get to keep mom company while she works at her computer:
9. We know where all the best heating vents are!
10. Finally, the best is when mom decides to give us a wet food treat and calls Amarula but she doesn’t come in so we get her share! (The dolt is probably unconscious in a ditch somewhere hopped up on wild cat grass!)
There are many reasons I don’t like winter—the snow, the ice, being trapped indoors, being forced to endure extra cuddle time with my human, and the slight chill to my morning Friskies pate. But by far the worst part of winter is the time indoors that I am forced to spend with the kittens, Zulu and Biltong. They are relentless in their pursuit of my attention. My hissy fits and tail slaps leave them unfazed.
Biltong has even taken to trying to wash me:
My efforts to hide have been futile:
We even eat together! Underlings should never eat with the Alpha!
They are EVERYWHERE.
They have even begun to steal my sunbeams! Anyone want a couple of so-so kittens?
BILTONG: Normally, sharing and hugs are two of my favorite things. But the one thing I don’t like sharing or exchanging hugs for is my sparkly pom-pom balls! They are all mine!
In fact, when Zulu and Amarula aren’t looking I hide them all in the floor grates throughout the house so they can’t have them (of course, that also means I can’t have them until mom comes and opens the grate and gets them all out!)
My favorite thing of all is when I sit with my sparkly ball in front of the heating vent! Heaven!
As a stranger in a strange land, I am learning new things everyday about Canadians and their strange culture and habits. Worse yet is the new wildlife species I have to get to know!
Well you can imagine my surprise when I came face-to-face with this ferocious looking creature on our back porch!
At first I thought it was some kind of giant rat! I mean we had rats in South Africa but nothing like this! But then I heard the human describe it as a “Racoon.” I must say I am envious of the way the creature seems able to open any form of garbage containment unit to get to the juicy interior! I am also jealous of his cool black mask that covers his eyes! I wish I had one. But still, despite some cool attributes, I don’t like the way he walks around MY backyard acting like he owns the place! So the racoon is my nemesis of the month!
AMARULA: Sometimes when my human disappoints me, like when she pets me three times instead of two and a half like I wanted or she doesn’t check at the door every five minutes to see if I want back inside, I think of killing her. But then I think, if I killed her, who would feed me? So I let her live.
Well, the indignities of life in Canada just keep piling up! The ground is frozen and covered in snow and with it my outdoor commode. So the human says I am now forced to use a litter box. In South Africa a feline could do their business outdoors any time of year! Not in this frozen feline wasteland! But what else could I do but give it a try? And wouldn’t you know it! The undynamic duo decided they too had to go at that exact moment! Is nothing sacred to those two big-eared boondoggles?
Oh how I will miss the soft feel of dirt beneath my paws! I know not if my dignity will survive.
AMARULA: I am not enjoying winter thus far. I am looking into whether any airline will allow a feline to fly solo so I can get back to South Africa ASAP! There is no snow in Cape Town! Worse yet, I find that the cold seems to have frozen the kittens’ brains (though frankly, it was hard to detect any brain activity in the little fur balls even before we moved to this frozen tundra). They seem to be under the mistaken impression that my imposed time indoors means I actually want to spend time with them! Saints preserve me!
They attack me in my cat condo:
And I wake up to find that, while I slumber, they use their kittenish stealthy ways to sneak into bed with me:
What the heck!??? When will this madness end? I am not certain all three of us will make it to the end of winter…and I bet they would make comfy throw rugs!
AMARULA: Well, as the only outdoor cat in our feline trio (and the only one with looks and brains!) I was really excited to explore the Canadian great outdoors! Mom had warned me about this thing you call “snow” but I was incredulous. Well, I have been schooled:
It started off innocently enough. The temperature hovered dangerously near zero Celsius but I, being a rugged beast, could handle it. I will certainly not let Canadian cats show me up!
Though it started to get a little nippy, I made due and dealt with the cold by making fun of the kittens who aren’t allowed out (mom is a big believer in keeping cats indoors but because I was a stray she could not convert me to the indoor life–I thwarted all her efforts!!) Poor saps!
But then a light dusting of snow fell:
Things got ugly pretty quickly!
Seriously!! How long does this white stuff last? Only a few days right? I can go outside again soon…yes?
Interesting linksHere are some interesting links for you! Enjoy your stay :)
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