AMARULA: As you may or may not know, the human and I often go for walks around the neighborhood. She thinks I follow her because I like her and want to hang out. Little does she know that I actually want her nearby in case an errant dog decides to chase me. I figure the human makes a tastier morsel for a dog than little ole me! Besides, I get a lot of pleasure at seeing all the neighbors point at the crazy cat lady who walks her cat!
Anyway, on our latest walk I met a boy! I am as shocked as you are dear reader! How could a loan wolf like me who even refuses to be nice to the two clowns (aka Frodo and Zulu) sharing her home possibly open her heart to a boy!? I am still not sure what his intentions are but things seem promising…
AMARULA: It began like any other day…the human and I were going for a stroll
AMARULA: When suddenly I noticed the faint fragrance of tomcat in the air. I look up and see this striking male specimen. He is one cool cat!
AMARULA: Not knowing if he is friendly or not, I try to stealthily tip-toe away…
AMARULA: But he seems friendly and invites me up to share his perch.
AMARULA: He beckons me forward.
AMARULA: But I am no easy catch! I indulge in that classic love game of cat-and-mouse and play hard to get. I look away…
AMARULA: Well, is he looking??
AMARULA: Now I give him my haughtiest over-the-shoulder glance
AMARULA: Finally, the coup de grâce. I show him I feel indifference to his courting by feigning a nap on his sidewalk. Yet my slightly exposed belly suggests my affections may yet be won over! I can’t wait until the human and I go for our next walk to see where this may lead! Is love in the air??
ZULU: All right Amarula, it’s time you accepted that I get to share the backyard with you. There is more than enough space for everyone to have a good time. Now let’s prove to mom that we are mature and can act like adults by hanging out without a fight.
ZULU: It’s only fair that I get to enjoy lying in the grass and smelling the fresh summer air too!
ZULU: Now look how well we’re doing!
ZULU: Isn’t this fun!??
ZULU: You’re awfully quiet over there Amarula. What ‘cha doing?
ZULU: Oh, that’s good. You’re just washing up.
AMARULA: Yep. Just want to make sure that my claws are nice and clean and in working order.
ZULU: What do you mean working order? You seem awfully close Amarula!
AMARULA: Now, Listen carefully. Here’s the deal. You must stay at least an arm’s length away from me if you don’t want to get up close and personal with my claws.
AMARULA: You know what, make that two arm’s lengths away! Nope, still not far enough. I’m gonna push on you with all my might and that’s as close as you are ever allowed to get!
AMARULA: Just a little farther…
AMARULA: Ah oh! The human is watching us. She is yelling something about how I must be nice to you! You don’t need to hear that nonsense!
ZULU: I’m out of here! You just can’t play maturely Amarula!
AMARULA: Alone at last!
AMARULA: Labour!?? I’m against it. I get Frodo to do all my chores! But I always dress up on Labor Day; what can I say, I look great in a tie.
FRODO: Goody Goody!! Labour Day is here! Amarula is always nice enough to let me do her chores! I love working! You get to meet all sorts of people. And mom always gives me a treat when I wear a tie. Yummy!
FRODO: Oh no! Where did I put my briefcase? Amarula is going to kill me if I lost those files on the best way to catch a squirrel! Well, there’s only one thing to do when a crisis arises on the job…
FRODO: Sometimes you just gotta sleep on the job!
ZULU: Labour Day?! I love it! I get to wear all these very bespoke outfits that really capture my fashion-forward side. It drives the ladies crazy!
ZULU: But I think I may have this tie all wrong! Why did I trust Amarula to help me put it on!? She told me it is supposed to go this way! Assistance!? I need assistance here!
ZULU: Ah…much better. What do you think of this pose? This is my powerful yet sensitive, brooding lawyer pose (ladies love fat cat lawyers). I’m a feline-rights advocate in the middle of a tough case trying to get equal rights for cats by insisting that all parks with off-leash dog zones must also have fenced-off feline-only areas. Though I’ve made some headway, the court is really fighting me on my insistence that all cats be armed with tasers and be allowed to zap any dog that comes to close to our feline-only perimeter. Lady Justice is a harsh mistress! OK Costume change!
ZULU: Ah yes, the simple flower. This is my modern interpretation of a cravat. Men don’t just have to wear ties anymore!
ZULU: It says to the ladies that I am comfortable with my feminine side.
ZULU: I am tough yet tender. And maybe just a little shy. Oh and it doesn’t hurt that the yellow really shows off my smooth-as-silk chocolate fur…
AMARULA: Can someone please shut that cat up?! Why is he still talking? And who would ever wear a flower collar to work?!?! What does any of this have to do with Labour Day?? He is really putting the BORE in Labour Day!
ZULU: Shut up Amarula! Labour Day only happens once a year! OK, next costume change!
ZULU: At last, my other lawyer look. I stare down the jury with my mysterious, intelligent gaze.
ZULU: Finally, the end of the trial nears…I let loose a deep sigh as though the weight of the world is on my shoulders. Then I slowly look up to the jury and yell: You can’t handle the truth!
ZULU: The court is in an uproar! The men are shouting, while the ladies swoon. Of course, I win the case, and yet I am humble in the face of victory.
ZULU: OK I’m ready for my cognac and cigar! Frodo…Frodo where’s my cigar and cognac?! Is that cat sleeping on the job again!?
FRODO: Oh no! I can’t remember where I put Zulu’s cognac and cigars!! I forgot that Labour Day can be quite stressful!
AMARULA: So the human is a little miffed with Frodo who has been grounded indoors until he learns what areas of the backyard he is supposed to stay away from! Hee Hee Hee! So it started something like this…I noticed Frodo hanging out in the backyard staring longingly at the rock garden area that the human has declared a no-go zone until her rock garden plants take root.
AMARULA: Hey there Frodo? Whatcha doing? Why are you sitting here so close to the rock garden? Why not go take a look?
FRODO: Mom and Zulu said I’m not supposed to Amarula! They’re worried I will dig up all the seeds and baby plants!
AMARULA: What!! As if you could ever hurt a baby! Come on, I’ll go with you. It can’t hurt to take a little look can it?
FRODO: Well that sure sounds like a good idea Amarula!! What could it hurt!?
AMARULA: What indeed??!! Let’s go!
AMARULA: Now you take a good look around Frodo! Don’t be afraid to really dig stuff up. I’ll just stay here
out of sight in the shade so you can have all the fun cause that’s just the kinda cat I am!!
FRODO: Boy! Gosh oh golly Amarula you sure are a swell friend!
AMARULA: That’s right Frodo! Make yourself at home! Become one with the rocks!!
FRODO: Oh Boy this is soooooooooooooo fun!
FRODO: WOW! I wonder what is hiding in between all these rocks!
AMARULA: That’s right Frodo, stick your head right in there! Think of all the exciting things you will find!
FRODO: OH no Amarula! I think I’m stuck!! Help!
AMARULA: Don’t you worry there Frodo, I see the human making a beeline for you right this minute!! And she doesn’t look happy! Mmmmmwwwwahahahahahaha!
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