The Benefits of Being an Indoor Cat

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BILTONG: Alright, this is Biltong talking here (the tiny grey, distinguished-looking Oriental). We have been taking a lot of crap from Amarula (the FAT and ugly tortie–I mean what kind of color is that?? Are you black, orange or beige! Make up your mind! She looks like Halloween threw up all over her!) and now it is my brother, Zulu, and my turn to have our say. We LOVE being indoor cats. It’s the life!

Here are the top reasons why being indoors is ideal!

1. We know where the best sunbeams are in every corner of the house:

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2. We never have to worry about coming face to face with our neighbor dog Major or any of those giant Canadian rats called “racoons”

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3. We never have to worry about getting fleas unless one catches a ride on Amarula (which frankly, with her hygiene, is a pretty high risk despite mom using AdvantageĀ® on her)

4. We never get chased up a tree by the aformentioned nefarious neighbor dog and then have all the neighbors come out and point and laugh as we try to make our way head-first down the tree–so humiliating! How can Amarula show her face around here again–imagine running from a dog wearing a bow tie!

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5. We never have to worry about coming home smelling like skunk (or maybe that is Amarula’s natural odor?!)

6. We don’t have to worry about the gang of local squirrels beating us up looking for peanuts.

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7. We can take our morning constitutional inside without prying eyes, in the privacy of our own litter box. When Amarula goes the whole neighborhood can watch her!

8. We get to keep mom company while she works at her computer:

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9. We know where all the best heating vents are!

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10. Finally, the best is when mom decides to give us a wet food treat and calls Amarula but she doesn’t come in so we get her share! (The dolt is probably unconscious in a ditch somewhere hopped up on wild cat grass!)

Bil and sock

What is this Thing You Call a Litter Box?

litterbox1AMARULA: You want me to do what in where???

 

Well, the indignities of life in Canada just keep piling up! The ground is frozen and covered in snow and with it my outdoor commode. So the human says I am now forced to use a litter box. In South Africa a feline could do their business outdoors any time of year! Not in this frozen feline wasteland! But what else could I do but give it a try? And wouldn’t you know it! The undynamic duo decided they too had to go at that exact moment! Is nothing sacred to those two big-eared boondoggles?

 

Oh how I will miss the soft feel of dirt beneath my paws! I know not if my dignity will survive.

Winter in Canada: I am in Hell

AMARULA: I am not enjoying winter thus far. I am looking into whether any airline will allow a feline to fly solo so I can get back to South Africa ASAP! There is no snow in Cape Town! Worse yet, I find that the cold seems to have frozen the kittens’ brains (though frankly, it was hard to detect any brain activity in the little fur balls even before we moved to this frozen tundra). They seem to be under the mistaken impression that my imposed time indoors means I actually want to spend time with them! Saints preserve me!

They attack me in my cat condo:

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And I wake up to find that, while I slumber, they use their kittenish stealthy ways to sneak into bed with me:

 

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What the heck!??? When will this madness end? I am not certain all three of us will make it to the end of winter…and I bet they would make comfy throw rugs!

Outdoor Life in Canada: Let me inside!!

AMARULA: Well, as the only outdoor cat in our feline trio (and the only one with looks and brains!) I was really excited to explore the Canadian great outdoors! Mom had warned me about this thing you call “snow” but I was incredulous. Well, I have been schooled:

It started off innocently enough. The temperature hovered dangerously near zero Celsius but I, being a rugged beast, could handle it. I will certainly not let Canadian cats show me up!

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Though it started to get a little nippy, I made due and dealt with the cold by making fun of the kittens who aren’t allowed out (mom is a big believer in keeping cats indoors but because I was a stray she could not convert me to the indoor life–I thwarted all her efforts!!) Poor saps!

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But then a light dusting of snow fell:

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Things got ugly pretty quickly!

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Seriously!! How long does this white stuff last? Only a few days right? I can go outside again soon…yes?

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