ZULU: Sometimes I am in the middle of grooming myself and I wonder: What is the point of it all? Why do I work so hard to make myself look so good? But then I glance at myself in the mirror and I think, “Oh yeah. I’m worth it!”
Zulu
Thank God Winter is Almost Over!
There are many reasons I don’t like winter—the snow, the ice, being trapped indoors, being forced to endure extra cuddle time with my human, and the slight chill to my morning Friskies pate. But by far the worst part of winter is the time indoors that I am forced to spend with the kittens, Zulu and Biltong. They are relentless in their pursuit of my attention. My hissy fits and tail slaps leave them unfazed.
Biltong has even taken to trying to wash me:
My efforts to hide have been futile:
We even eat together! Underlings should never eat with the Alpha!
They are EVERYWHERE.
They have even begun to steal my sunbeams! Anyone want a couple of so-so kittens?
What is this Thing You Call a Litter Box?
AMARULA: You want me to do what in where???
Well, the indignities of life in Canada just keep piling up! The ground is frozen and covered in snow and with it my outdoor commode. So the human says I am now forced to use a litter box. In South Africa a feline could do their business outdoors any time of year! Not in this frozen feline wasteland! But what else could I do but give it a try? And wouldn’t you know it! The undynamic duo decided they too had to go at that exact moment! Is nothing sacred to those two big-eared boondoggles?
Oh how I will miss the soft feel of dirt beneath my paws! I know not if my dignity will survive.
Winter in Canada: I am in Hell
AMARULA: I am not enjoying winter thus far. I am looking into whether any airline will allow a feline to fly solo so I can get back to South Africa ASAP! There is no snow in Cape Town! Worse yet, I find that the cold seems to have frozen the kittens’ brains (though frankly, it was hard to detect any brain activity in the little fur balls even before we moved to this frozen tundra). They seem to be under the mistaken impression that my imposed time indoors means I actually want to spend time with them! Saints preserve me!
They attack me in my cat condo:
And I wake up to find that, while I slumber, they use their kittenish stealthy ways to sneak into bed with me:
What the heck!??? When will this madness end? I am not certain all three of us will make it to the end of winter…and I bet they would make comfy throw rugs!
Outdoor Life in Canada: Let me inside!!
AMARULA: Well, as the only outdoor cat in our feline trio (and the only one with looks and brains!) I was really excited to explore the Canadian great outdoors! Mom had warned me about this thing you call “snow” but I was incredulous. Well, I have been schooled:
It started off innocently enough. The temperature hovered dangerously near zero Celsius but I, being a rugged beast, could handle it. I will certainly not let Canadian cats show me up!
Though it started to get a little nippy, I made due and dealt with the cold by making fun of the kittens who aren’t allowed out (mom is a big believer in keeping cats indoors but because I was a stray she could not convert me to the indoor life–I thwarted all her efforts!!) Poor saps!
But then a light dusting of snow fell:
Things got ugly pretty quickly!
Seriously!! How long does this white stuff last? Only a few days right? I can go outside again soon…yes?
Top 10 Rules For Cat Life in Canada
AMARULA: Well we are all slowly adjusting to life in Canada. I dare say that as the temperature decreases the amount of rules seem to increase! You would think mom would realize that one can not shackle a feline’s freedom! I have assembled a photo journal of the feline Canadian commandments. Judge for yourself how well this trio of tabbies is following them!
1. Thou shall never ever go on the kitchen table:
2. Thou shall never go into the kitchen cupboards:
3. Thou shall not bother Grandpa MacGregor when he is watching television:
4. I said thou shall not bother Grandpa MacGregor!!
5. Thou shall never scratch the couch:
6. Thou shall not distract grandpa MacGregor while he is playing bridge on the computer:
7. Thou shall not lie innocently in the middle of the hallway where humans can trip over you!
8. Thou shall not hog the couch:
9. Thou shall not go into parcels that are not for you and get covered in packing peanuts:
10. Once again! Thou shall not go onto the kitchen table even if it has the best sunbeams in the house!
We’re Officially Canadian!
AMARULA: We landed on a cold October 31st day here in Canada! (By the way, what is this thing you call Halloween!? We didn’t have that in South Africa! My human better NEVER try to make me wear a costume or she will personally learn what a scratching post feels like!).
The trip was hell and boy are we happy we landed safely. I, Amarula, got a carrier all to myself but that poor sap Biltong (aka Billy) had to travel in a carrier with his much-too-talkative brother Zulu! Ha ha!
I can’t help but think it was Sandra (aka human, aka mom) who added “Precious” to the KLM Cargo tag! Naturally I find such displays of human emotion silly and certainly beneath a feline but one can’t argue with the truth of her addition.
I am off to explore my new Canadian domain!
Those nincompoop kittens can do nothing more than fall into each others arms and nap the minute they arrive at their new home. Clearly they are not the brains of this operation! Inarguable proof that stray cats are so much better than pure-breeds!
Hair Balls and Hissy Fits: the Cats Are Coming to Canada!
Amarula: Our human has informed us we are leaving South Africa soon to return to her native territory of Canada. The journey on a great metal winged bird (that apparently can’t even be eaten!) does not sound enjoyable. We plan to poo every hour in our kennels to show our displeasure (though I can’t help thinking that may be more unpleasant for us then for her). She says she thinks we will like it there, though I, as the sole outdoor cat among the three of us, am wary of this white, fluffy substance she describes as “snow.” She also speaks of temperatures that go BELOW zero. Clearly she is insane.
We all still miss our beloved basset Charlie. Despite being a canine, she was a good companion and, best of all, her ears kept us really, really warm.
Off to CANADA!
We will let you know when we arrive!
HELP! Mom Adopts Two South African Kittens! I am Outnumbered!
There are Aliens Among Us! And I am Outnumbered!
Well, just when I thought my life couldn’t get any worse after mom adopted the South Africa stray cat, I wake up to this:
Sweet God they are ugly!
Clearly mom has lost her mind! She already has one cat and then she goes out and buys two more! And then names them Zulu and Biltong! Doesn’t she know that giving them names makes them REAL!
Apparently they are Orientals (related to Siamese) and she paid real MONEY for them! Who actually pays money for a cat!?? Like dad says, you can just go to any neighbourhood dumpster and grab one from there! Worst of all, the kittens seem not to realize that I am a BASSET TO BE FEARED AND RESPECTED! They seem to have no fear of me at all and, in fact, seem to find my softness and warmth irresistible (well, ok , I am incredibly soft and warm…but still!)
I just don’t get it… my menacing basset stare just isn’t instilling the fear and sense of doom I expected. They just can’t seem to get enough of me!
Seriously! Seriously! Is this what my life has come to? Not a shred of dignity or solemnity left!?? Oh the indignity!!! I try to hide under the bed so they can’t find me.
- Even Amarula has the good sense to try to hide in a box to get away from the kittens:
I don’t know what mom was thinking! They seem to have no redeemable qualities at all and have the intellect of a dust-ball! From what I can tell they do little but chase their tails and then sleep all day:
Often sleeping next to me!
- Not only do they sleep all day but they sleep in the craziest, most uncomfortable looking positions!
Suffice to say, I am NOT IMPRESSED! I will have to consult my good basset-pal Waffle to see what he thinks my next move should be! I have already tried to strangle them while looking like I am actually enjoying sleeping with them, but that does not appear to have worked–the kittens still breathe!
- The sleep-strangle hold is one of my best moves. Sadly it does not appear to work!
Well dear readers, until I come up with a plan, pray for me!
