Outdoor Cat | Hairballs & Hissyfits

Being “In” is So Out!

May 9, 2016 by Amarula

FRODO: Well spring is finally here — at least that’s what Amarula and Zulu keep talking about. They sure are excited about finally going outside again now that the snow is gone (even though Zulu has to wear a harness).

FRODO: I must admit it does look very exciting out there!

I can only imagine the adventures I could get up to outside!!

FRODO: I might finally be able to catch that red squirrel that keeps taunting me!

FRODO: Hey Zulu and Amarula when will I be big enough to come join you outside?

AMARULA: Never! The human has no plans to let you outside of the cat containment unit! I heard her saying that even on a harness you would likely get into too much trouble!

FRODO: What’s that you say?!?…but that’s not fair…I really never get to go outside?!?

FRODO: NEVER??!! Noooooooooooooooooooooooo. Let me out!

Squirrel Hunt, Feline Style!

November 9, 2015 by Amarula

AMARULA: As you know, squirrels are one of the bane’s of my existence. Out of sheer desperation to rid myself and my territory of those little furry balls of ferociousness, I have actually lowered myself to enlist the aid of yet another bane of my existence: Zulu.

Today the plan is to teach Zulu how to hunt squirrels so that he can help me clear out my beloved backyard (later I will worry about clearing Zulu out!).

Alright Zulu, the first step is to assess the threat level. Look to your right, to your left and into the trees to see where the squirrels are laying in wait:

The next step is to lull them into a false sense of security. Try to look lazy and like you really have no idea what’s going on (which God knows should not be too hard for you…)

Now move about the yard and try to observe your prey. Always try to stay behind them! Don’t let them get behind you!

That’s right, always keep them in sight!

Now follow my lead:

Look how close we are Zulu!

Get ready…

Charge!

Oh No! They are smarter than I thought! Watch out Zulu! They are going for your leash!

There are too many of them Zulu! You are surrounded! Abort Abort!

AMARULA: OK Zulu. I have to admit you put in a valiant effort. Looks like we’ll have to try plan B: the Peanut Lure. Just hold real still and close your eyes and I’ll take care of everything…

That’s right…trust me Zulu…those squirrels will soon be ours…you won’t feel a thing…

Nemesis of the Month (part 2): Squirrels

October 22, 2015 by Amarula

Yes, yes I know, I know…I already said my nemesis of the month was the harness. And it is! It is! But there are just so many things to be vigilant about and so many annoyances to deal with when you are “Supreme Commander of the World” that some months I just have to do a double-bill. Which brings me to my long-time nemesis: Squirrels. They have been one of my major adversaries since the Human catnapped me from South Africa and took me with her to Canada. Canadian squirrels have been taunting me since I arrived in this maple syrup-infested, snow-loving country. Lately, the creatures have been particularly pesky. Though they have never shown me the respect I deserve, they have become even more disrespectful since the Human got my new collar.

When I’m just sitting around minding my own business, they gang up on me.

No matter where I try to ~~hide~~ relax, they find me.

Knowing that climbing is one of the few skills I have not yet mastered, they tempt me to chase them up a tree and then, just out of reach, they leave me there to be rescued by the Human.

They have even taken it upon themselves to terrorize Zulu! That’s my job!

To make matters worse, they found my secret stash of peanuts and amuse themselves by eating the delicious treats in front of me.

And don’t even get me started about the squirrels’ cousin; that diminutive devil known as the chipmunk…

Curse those little fuzzy balls of fury! But fear not dear reader! I shall have my revenge. I have something planned….soon, very soon…they shall be banished from MY backyard! Oh yes! The last peanut shall be mine!

Nemesis of the Month: the Harness

October 15, 2015 by Amarula

As you all know, my ambrosial outdoor environment became a little less heavenly when a harnessed Zulu was allowed to finally leave his indoor cat-containment unit (aka the house) for supervised outdoor visits.

While I did enjoy sitting on his leash and preventing him from going anywhere, things have taken an ugly turn recently. Obviously, his taste of freedom has gone to his head. In an effort to establish dominance over the backyard, he actually challenged me to a cat fight! Clearly, someone had a little too much cat nip this morning!

First, he tried to stare me down (a classic amateur move)!

When that didn’t work, he actually tried the more advanced “aggressive tail and teeth combo.”

Finally, sensing his end was near, he tried to get physical with a round of fisticuffs.

Growing bored at his laughable attempts at supremacy, I went in for the killing blow: My famous “You-are-sooooooooooo-going-to-be-sorry” stare.

As predicted, the poor boy’s knees immediately turned to mush and he fell prostrate to the ground. He begged for his life as I stood over him victorious, my rule as “Outdoor Oligarch” once more established.

ZULU: Actually Amarula I tripped over one of your giant hairballs and fell to the ground.

AMARULA: Silence peon! Curse you and your havoc-causing harness!

It’s Hip to Be Harnessed!

September 20, 2015September 20, 2015 by Amarula

ZULU: For my fans out there (and I know there are millions) wondering whether I am still enjoying life as a semi-outdoor (a.k.a harnessed and supervised) cat, I believe the photos say it all:

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! I can run like the wind!

I’m flying!! Try to catch me Amarula! I’m so fast you can’t even see me!!

Well, wait a minute here! This is something worth braking for! Nobody ever told me that the outdoors is filled with lovely ladies who have nothing better to do than give me the attention I so rightfully deserve! Meooooooooooooow!

Leashed and Loving It!

September 11, 2015 by Amarula

ZULU: As you know, mom has recently been taking me outside…

AMARULA: Cats in the know don’t call it “outside” Zulu. It is known as “The Fiefdom of Feline Freedom” or, better yet, “Amarula’s Domain”…

ZULU: Shhhhhh Amarula! It’s my turn to talk. I have to wear a harness but I don’t mind cause I love being outdoors! Despite my thirst for attention from mom…

AMARULA: You mean your neediness…

ZULU: …And my well-earned reputation as a lady’s man (not only am I incredibly dashing but, though I usually hide from men, I often come out from under the bed to say hi to the ladies!) I can be ever so slightly timid…

AMARULA: You mean neurotic…

ZULU: …As I was saying, I used to think I would never want to leave the house—aka, the cat-containment unit—and go outside, but I am having a great time! I don’t even mind that being outside means I have to spend more time with Amarula!

Amarula is even telling me all kinds of secrets about life as an outdoor cat. She said she’s going to help me get into an exclusive feline club that she’s already a member of: “The Society of Cantankerous & Caterwauling, Unshackled Outdoor Cats.”

Amarula says there’s a special initiation rite I have to pass before becoming accepted. I just have to leave the back yard when mom’s not looking, befriend the German Shepard across the street by eating from his food bowl, go through the Walmart parking lot while avoiding the gang of ne’er-do-well feral cats, then walk 20 blocks and cross a very busy highway with my eyes closed until I reach the cat club house. If I can do all that I will be granted membership into the club!

AMARULA: Finally my plan to get rid of Zulu is coming to fruition… mmmmmwwwwahahahahahaha….

ZULU: Well, I was about to set off when mom found out what Amarula was up to and put a stop to her dastardly plans!

AMARULA: I’m outta here…..

ZULU: Despite Amarula’s little prank, I still love the outdoors!

Invasion of the Backyard Snatcher

August 31, 2015August 31, 2015 by Amarula

AMARULA: Well, as you all know, I am quite proud (and take a great deal of pleasure) at being the only outdoor cat in the Human’s feline duo. I have spent many an enjoyable hour making fun of Zulu and his INDOOR life of imprisonment. Well, apparently things are about to change.

I was basking in the glory of MY backyard when suddenly, I sensed a change in the air. Something was not right. It was as though someone was watching me. A terrible sense of doom befell me.

This can’t be happening! My walls have been breached! My territory is being invaded! Apparently, the Human, in some misguided attempt to make Zulu feel better after the loss of his brother, has decided to take Zulu outside on some kind of torture device (the Human calls it a harness) for supervised playtime.

I tried to get Zulu to agree to at least go our separate ways when outdoors…Zulu you go your way, I’ll go mine!

But Zulu was having none of it! No matter where I went he found me!

I tried closing my eyes to see if that would make him disappear:

But alas, no luck! He’s sticking around like a bad hairball!

I believed all was lost, but just as I thought this was yet another event to add to my list of reasons why it’s “Time for My Human to Die” I discovered something very interesting…

There is a long leash attached to Zulu’s harness…

…And if I sit or stand on it, Zulu can’t move…

Better yet, if I pull the leash, Zulu must follow where I lead!

Oh yeah! This summer just got a lot more interesting!

Time for My Human to Die

August 31, 2015May 13, 2015 by Amarula

AMARULA: So dear readers, as you all know, winters in Canada are not exactly my favorite. As a cat born and raised in South Africa for most of my life, cold, snow and ice were things I thought only happened to other felines. Sadly, as much as I love Canada (these guys make the best catnip! What do they put in that stuff? I think it is heavily sprinkled with maple syrup and Canadian bacon!) I still hate the winter season! So I was very excited when spring came around again and I was raring to go outside to terrorize those pesky birds and squirrels. Or at least I was until THIS happened:

My human is making me wear a bright red collar that is best described as a cross between an Elizabethan collar and a clown accessory. Can’t believe your eyes?? Here’s another look:

Why me Lord?? Apparently this collar (which is by Birdbesafe [no affiliate link, the human just thinks they deserve a mention]) is supposed to make me more visible to songbirds and hence make it impossible for me to catch any (as if the five bells the Human already had on my collar weren’t making it impossible for me to terrorize my feathered foes!). Sadly, it does indeed seem to be working. I wait by the bird feeder but not a single bird appears!

It is also pretty hard to be camouflaged with this thing on!!

Even those two dunderheaded cats I am forced to share my home with seem to feel the collar makes me more “approachable” and no longer maintain the 10 foot perimeter around my personal space I had instituted.

The collar seems to have also had the unfortunate effect of decreasing my “street cred” with the cats in the neighborhood. No longer do they quiver in fear as I walk by! Worse, my boyfriend down the street, Charlie, took one look at me and turned away! He couldn’t even bear to look at me!!

How can an uncollared cat like Charlie ever fall for a collared cat like me!! It’s the classic thwarted love tale of Romeow and Juliet!! Pray for me!

Spring Has Come Again!?!

August 31, 2015March 26, 2015 by Amarula

AMARULA: Thank goodness! No one explained to me that because winter had indeed returned so too would spring likewise make a welcome reappearance! That means I can leave the house and survey my domain!

You know what the best part of spring is? Not the fresh scent of the air, or mom’s tulips that need chewing but the site of the kittens staring at me jealously through the screen!! Hee Hee

Wait a minute…does the return of spring mean that those nasty squirrels are back too??

Winter Has Come Again!?

August 31, 2015December 1, 2014 by Amarula

AMARULA: What’s that you say? This winter thing happens EVERY year?! I wouldn’t have believed it until the snow hit the ground. The cold air and wet snow have relegated me to life indoors again and that means that I am forced to spend time with the kittens. And just as expected, I find them as engaging and intelligent as cardboard. I mean seriously, are we sure these two are even sentient?

I try to hide from them even in mom’s desk (being nincompoops, the kittens don’t like to be near objects associated with the exercise of intellect like desks, books and such)

But no matter where I hide…

They find me…

Nowhere is safe…

Pray for me!