Indoor Cat | Hairballs & Hissyfits

Journey into the Great Outdoors (Almost)

May 30, 2016 by Amarula

FRODO: Things did not go quite as planned folks! As you know, last week mom got me a harness and decided to let me go outside!

I was sooooooooooooooo excited. I was ready to jump into the great unknown…

But I got a little nervous and decided that instead of jumping from the deck I would just take the steps down to the backyard

Unfortunately, when I realized just how gosh darn big the backyard was I got a little scared and hid under the steps!

I am so embarrassed! Maybe I will just stay inside…or maybe I will try again tomorrow like a big boy! Wish me luck!

I’m Free! Free at Last!

May 25, 2016May 25, 2016 by Amarula

FRODO: It has been a hard week watching Amarula and a (harnessed) Zulu enjoying the great outdoors from my windowsill seat!

Not only was it sad but it was also exhausting!

But then mom came back from shopping with a brand new harness just for me! I think it really captures my “man-of-adventure” personality!

Now I can run and play safely with my big sis, Amarula, and brother, Zulu! I can’t wait to tell all you guys about my exciting (harnessed) adventures! Yippee! I am ready to jump into the great unknown!

Yippee! I am ready to jump into the great unknown!

Why I love Springtime!

May 19, 2016 by Amarula

AMARULA: As you know I hate winter! All that snow means I can’t go outside for many months. So I love when spring arrives and I can once again rule the outdoors! And yes, while spring also means that Zulu gets to join me outside on his harness…yuck…

The real reason I am so happy to see the snow go away and the grass turn green again is precisely because Zulu joins me outside! I get to drive him crazy by standing on his leash so he can’t move or–even better–pulling on his leash so he has to go where I tell him to go!

ZULU: Get off my leash! Mom! Look what Amarula is doing!

AMARULA: Oh glorious spring! Who knew I would love it so when Zulu joins me outside!

Being “In” is So Out!

May 9, 2016 by Amarula

FRODO: Well spring is finally here — at least that’s what Amarula and Zulu keep talking about. They sure are excited about finally going outside again now that the snow is gone (even though Zulu has to wear a harness).

FRODO: I must admit it does look very exciting out there!

I can only imagine the adventures I could get up to outside!!

FRODO: I might finally be able to catch that red squirrel that keeps taunting me!

FRODO: Hey Zulu and Amarula when will I be big enough to come join you outside?

AMARULA: Never! The human has no plans to let you outside of the cat containment unit! I heard her saying that even on a harness you would likely get into too much trouble!

FRODO: What’s that you say?!?…but that’s not fair…I really never get to go outside?!?

FRODO: NEVER??!! Noooooooooooooooooooooooo. Let me out!

My Bathtub’s Dirty Secret!

March 17, 2016February 29, 2016 by Amarula

AMARULA: Many of you may not realize just how much I suffer since Frodo has been added to our feline trio. Being pounced on indiscriminately, my favorite box-of-solitude being appropriated and my privacy in the litter box now a forgotten luxury…..

Yes, Frodo’s crimes are legion and now he is stealing my toys! I had noticed the disappearance of my favorite ping pong and fuzzy balls since his arrival so, over the last few weeks, I have been forced to stash them in what I thought was the perfect secret spot known only to me (and now you dear readers)…the bathtub!

I had thought these porcelain walls would hide my beloved baubles, but alas, I was wrong! Over the last couple of days, I have noticed that they are slowly disappearing. So using the advanced online degree in engineering I acquired while the Human was sleeping, I set up a hidden camera to get to the truth of what was happening in MY bathtub. Beware dear readers…the shocking photos you are about to behold are enough to curl your whiskers! Frodo was indeed playing with my toys!

Shocking–no? But it only gets worse…Not only was Frodo frolicking with my toys, he has been using my porcelain palace to do a bevy of bad acts:

Napping:

Bathing (OK, even I can admit that a bathtub is a pretty good place to self-clean):

Just looking stupefied as usual…

And the most terrible act of all…inviting Zulu to join him for playtime:

I ask you…have I not endured enough??

Ah well! It is February 29th and leap year only happens every four years so I will make a once-every-four-years exception…if you can’t beat em, join em!

A Lesson on the Importance of Personal Space

January 25, 2016 by Amarula

ZULU: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Now isn’t this comfortable Frodo? Nothing like spending a lazy Saturday enjoying some sunbeams.

FRODO: It is wonderful. But…

FRODO: I just think things would be even better if we snuggled more.

ZULU: Now Frodo, remember what I told you about respecting personal space.

FRODO: I think you said you were against it, right?

ZULU: No! That’s not what I said. There is a time for snuggling and there is a time for getting some quality sunbeam sleep.

ZULU: While I appreciate that you moved, this is not what I had in mind!

ZULU: Don’t force me to sharpen my claws and move you myself Frodo!

ZULU: Well, I do have to say that you are a fast learner Frodo! Perfect!

Nemesis of the Month: the Harness

October 15, 2015 by Amarula

As you all know, my ambrosial outdoor environment became a little less heavenly when a harnessed Zulu was allowed to finally leave his indoor cat-containment unit (aka the house) for supervised outdoor visits.

While I did enjoy sitting on his leash and preventing him from going anywhere, things have taken an ugly turn recently. Obviously, his taste of freedom has gone to his head. In an effort to establish dominance over the backyard, he actually challenged me to a cat fight! Clearly, someone had a little too much cat nip this morning!

First, he tried to stare me down (a classic amateur move)!

When that didn’t work, he actually tried the more advanced “aggressive tail and teeth combo.”

Finally, sensing his end was near, he tried to get physical with a round of fisticuffs.

Growing bored at his laughable attempts at supremacy, I went in for the killing blow: My famous “You-are-sooooooooooo-going-to-be-sorry” stare.

As predicted, the poor boy’s knees immediately turned to mush and he fell prostrate to the ground. He begged for his life as I stood over him victorious, my rule as “Outdoor Oligarch” once more established.

ZULU: Actually Amarula I tripped over one of your giant hairballs and fell to the ground.

AMARULA: Silence peon! Curse you and your havoc-causing harness!

Leashed and Loving It!

September 11, 2015 by Amarula

ZULU: As you know, mom has recently been taking me outside…

AMARULA: Cats in the know don’t call it “outside” Zulu. It is known as “The Fiefdom of Feline Freedom” or, better yet, “Amarula’s Domain”…

ZULU: Shhhhhh Amarula! It’s my turn to talk. I have to wear a harness but I don’t mind cause I love being outdoors! Despite my thirst for attention from mom…

AMARULA: You mean your neediness…

ZULU: …And my well-earned reputation as a lady’s man (not only am I incredibly dashing but, though I usually hide from men, I often come out from under the bed to say hi to the ladies!) I can be ever so slightly timid…

AMARULA: You mean neurotic…

ZULU: …As I was saying, I used to think I would never want to leave the house—aka, the cat-containment unit—and go outside, but I am having a great time! I don’t even mind that being outside means I have to spend more time with Amarula!

Amarula is even telling me all kinds of secrets about life as an outdoor cat. She said she’s going to help me get into an exclusive feline club that she’s already a member of: “The Society of Cantankerous & Caterwauling, Unshackled Outdoor Cats.”

Amarula says there’s a special initiation rite I have to pass before becoming accepted. I just have to leave the back yard when mom’s not looking, befriend the German Shepard across the street by eating from his food bowl, go through the Walmart parking lot while avoiding the gang of ne’er-do-well feral cats, then walk 20 blocks and cross a very busy highway with my eyes closed until I reach the cat club house. If I can do all that I will be granted membership into the club!

AMARULA: Finally my plan to get rid of Zulu is coming to fruition… mmmmmwwwwahahahahahaha….

ZULU: Well, I was about to set off when mom found out what Amarula was up to and put a stop to her dastardly plans!

AMARULA: I’m outta here…..

ZULU: Despite Amarula’s little prank, I still love the outdoors!

Invasion of the Backyard Snatcher

August 31, 2015August 31, 2015 by Amarula

AMARULA: Well, as you all know, I am quite proud (and take a great deal of pleasure) at being the only outdoor cat in the Human’s feline duo. I have spent many an enjoyable hour making fun of Zulu and his INDOOR life of imprisonment. Well, apparently things are about to change.

I was basking in the glory of MY backyard when suddenly, I sensed a change in the air. Something was not right. It was as though someone was watching me. A terrible sense of doom befell me.

This can’t be happening! My walls have been breached! My territory is being invaded! Apparently, the Human, in some misguided attempt to make Zulu feel better after the loss of his brother, has decided to take Zulu outside on some kind of torture device (the Human calls it a harness) for supervised playtime.

I tried to get Zulu to agree to at least go our separate ways when outdoors…Zulu you go your way, I’ll go mine!

But Zulu was having none of it! No matter where I went he found me!

I tried closing my eyes to see if that would make him disappear:

But alas, no luck! He’s sticking around like a bad hairball!

I believed all was lost, but just as I thought this was yet another event to add to my list of reasons why it’s “Time for My Human to Die” I discovered something very interesting…

There is a long leash attached to Zulu’s harness…

…And if I sit or stand on it, Zulu can’t move…

Better yet, if I pull the leash, Zulu must follow where I lead!

Oh yeah! This summer just got a lot more interesting!

Spring Has Come Again!?!

August 31, 2015March 26, 2015 by Amarula

AMARULA: Thank goodness! No one explained to me that because winter had indeed returned so too would spring likewise make a welcome reappearance! That means I can leave the house and survey my domain!

You know what the best part of spring is? Not the fresh scent of the air, or mom’s tulips that need chewing but the site of the kittens staring at me jealously through the screen!! Hee Hee

Wait a minute…does the return of spring mean that those nasty squirrels are back too??