The Art of A Sneak Hug Attack | Hairballs and Hissy Fits

The Art of A Sneak Hug Attack

BILTONG: As you know, dear readers, hugs are one of my favorite things! Zulu and I love hugging! We are experts!

cats in box 2

Sadly, Amarula does not seem to share our love of hugs. That’s why I often have to perform cuddle sneak-attacks. Because we all likely have those in our lives who are “hug-hesitant,” I wanted to share with you how you can perform covert surprise embraces even on cuddlephobic cats like Amarula.

STEP 1:

You have to keep up your strength for a hug attack so I like to begin with a hearty meal in front of the heat vent where I can also get my bum warmed at the same time! It is glorious!

posterior

STEP 2:

Then I like to lull my victims unsuspecting hug-receivers into a false sense of security by acting casual—as though hugs aren’t the only thing on my mind!

lullintofalse sense of security

STEP 3:

It’s important to be diligent. If a cuddle-cautious cat even gets a whiff of what you are planning they may hide. You must look high and low until you find them!

you find them where they hire

 

STEP 4:

The next step is to approach your prey pal in a friendly and open manner and engage them in pleasant conversation. Some examples:

a) Ask them where they got such a ridiculous pretty collar

seriously i was going to attack him but now I can't even bother

b) Ask if you can share a sunbeam with them:

approach in non-threatening manner

STEP 5:

Get as close as you can using your stealth and incredible dexterity:

sneakfromunderchair

Oh the unsuspecting fool!!
unsuspecting fool

STEP 6:

Go!! Hug attack!!!

hugattache2

AND AGAIN!

 

hugattack1

There is even the legendary Double-Hug attack! But this difficult maneuver should only be attempted by students like Zulu and me who have highly advanced training in hug-stealth techniques

group hug attack
STEP 7:

The final step is to wash up, bask in your glory and plan the next attack!

Bask in your success

Now everybody go out and practice!!

The Art of A Sneak Hug Attack | Hairballs and Hissy Fits

Cool Cat of the Month: Lou

IMG_0054

AMARULA: Though clearly, in the looks department I have no feline rivals, I must admit Lou comes close. She has incredibly soft fur (if you like that sort of thing) and the grace of a ballet dancer thanks to her stumpy…I mean diminutive, stature. She was once a stray who was rescued by her slave human Eric. I took time out of my busy schedule to interview Lou:

AMARULA: How are you enjoying life with your manservant Eric?

LOU: Well, he feeds me and pets me lots, which I approve of, but he has this human female who hangs around a lot and she tends to distract him so he can’t devote every single minute of every single day to me. I am in the process of working out a deal with the neighborhood racoons to see if they can carry her off some night and deposit her in a forest somewhere. We’re still trying to iron out the details. The racoons want to be paid in pounds of garbage and I am trying to convince them to take payment in pounds of hairballs.

AMARULA: Really?!?!

LOU: No, No. I actually like Eric’s gal pal. She pets me lots and seems to accept that I will always be the prettiest female in the room!

IMG_0022

AMARULA: What are some of your favorite hobbies?
LOU: Well I like hiding, acting afraid of life so Eric hugs me lots, vomiting up hairballs and playing with my little yellow ducky. I am very very glad he rescued me from life as a stray!

lou1

AMARULA: What are your future plans?
LOU: Well, frankly I am a little lonely and would love a handsome companion cat. We will see what the future holds!